


Secret

by herilaveur



Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-06-18
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:22:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 22,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24642427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/herilaveur/pseuds/herilaveur
Summary: What if Lucas saw Eliott first but he didn't notice him? What if Eliott was too preoccupied to let Lucas into his life? What if there's something unsuspected in Eliott's life other than his bipolarity?**a new chapter per day**
Relationships: Eliott Demaury/Lucas Lallemant
Comments: 85
Kudos: 118





	1. I only see you

''2019 is our year!'' said Basile, jumping up and down next to Lucas ''We're finally gonna get some girlfriends. I swear, I can feel it. This is definitely our year."

Lucas looks up and doesn't even bother to answer him.

''I read this great article."" Basile continues "If you want to get a girlfriend, you have to focus on her. Apparently, girls don't like to see a guy chasing a bunch of girls at the same time. So friday night I'm gonna focus on one lucky girl and play the big game."

Lucas pinches his nose and moans while Arthur and Yann burst out laughing.

"Fuck, Baz, do you really need an article to figure that out?"

Yann grabs Lucas by the shoulder and pulls him out of the building. As he walks out the door, laughing at Basile with Yann, he gets a blow in the shoulder. He stops, turns round and sees the big figure who has just hit him. 

The guy looks like a giant. He's wearing a brown jacket and the hood of his sweet is hiding his face but strands of hair stick out. Lucas is ready to scream but the guy turns around, probably to see what he hit and Lucas closes his mouth immediately. Clearly he's never seen him in high school. He'd remember a face like that. The guy nods his head to apologize without even looking at Lucas and walks away, obviously completely lost in his thoughts.

''Oh, Lulu, are you moving or sleeping? What are you doing?"

Lucas turns to the guys waiting for him.

''Have you seen this guy? Do you know him?"

The three boys lean their heads to look at the corridor but it is empty.

"What guy, Lulu?"

Lucas shrugs his shoulders and leaves with his friends. But his thoughts remain focused on this guy. He sighs as the teacher tries to explain the difference between protons and neutrons when they were supposed to have known that a long time ago. This class is so boring... Lucas is looking at the clock. Two minutes before the bell rings, all the students put their things away and the teacher starts banging her fist on the table.

''Class isn't over. Get your things out and you'll stay five more minutes to make up for the time you wasted."

Lucas takes out his things and sighs. He hates it when teachers do that. The bell rings but nobody moves so Lucas looks out the window and that's when he sees him. He almost runs across the courtyard and Lucas is surprised that he is leaving the school instead of eating in the cafeteria. Lucas sees Alex going out right after him with his friends. 

Lucas leaves the class with a huge smile on his face. Instead of going to the cafeteria with his buddies, he goes straight to the courtyard and calls Alex who comes towards him.

''Hey, Lucas, what's up? Happy New Year, by the way."

''Thanks, man, you too. I just wanted to ask you a question. Do you have a new guy in your class?"

Alex looks surprised, but he's nodding his head.

''Yeah. Eliott. He just transferred. Why?"

''Nothing, he reminded me of somebody, but no, it's not him. So I'm gonna go. Bye, man."

Lucas is leaving before he hears Alex's greeting. He's meeting his buddies for lunch, but he's clearly not hungry. He just wants to find a chance to talk to the guy. But when Basile and Arthur talk about the party coming up on Friday, Lucas remembers he can't have a crush on a guy while he's in high school. And then nothing tells him that this particular guy would be interested. 

The week goes by way too slowly for him and Thursday is definitely the worst day. Lucas sighs with relief at 5pm, when the bell announces the end of classes. He's looking forward to tomorrow 4pm to finally be in week end. But in the meantime, he grabs his bag, says bye to the guys and heads off to the bus stop. He could walk back to the flatshare but he doesn't even feel like walking because he's so exhausted by this day...And this week. 

He has literally spent the whole week looking for Eliott and watching him to find out more about him. Eliott spends most of his breaks drawing and Lucas would pay a lot of money to see what he draws. Eliott is always the first to leave at the end of class and he always seems to be in a hurry in the evenings. Except the first day, now, he eats every day in the cafeteria. But otherwise, nobody knows anything about him since he talks to almost nobody. He always has this preoccupied look on his face and Lucas really wonders what could be haunting him like that. Lucas has learned by looking at the register of his class which is called Eliott Demaury but he only found one thing on the internet: a participative campaign for a short film project from last year that Eliott would have stopped when it was 90% financed. And now Lucas feels like a stalker stalking Eliott, but he can't get him out of his mind.He spent every night of the week imagining how he could approach him and especially how he could make him smile.

And as if the universe was playing with him, he sees Eliott sitting on the bus stop bench, tapping his foot nervously while looking at his phone. Lucas only sees him in profile, but he looks so sad and preoccupied. Fully caught up in his thoughts. Lucas sits down next to him, leaving just one space between them. He takes a little breath and bends over to wave his hand in front of his face.

''Hi.''

Eliot jumps up and back slightly while looking at Lucas. He stares blankly for a few seconds before he pulls himself together.

''Uh... hi.''

Lucas shakes his head and smiles, but Eliott looks back at his phone, which has a black screen, looking lost and seems to be back in his thoughts again. Lucas would so much like to remove this depressed look from his beautiful face. Just seeing him smile once would be enough. So he looks at Eliott and takes a big smile.

''I think you owe me some money.''

Eliott looks up in amazement and frowns as he looks at Lucas.

''What? Why?"

Lucas takes a big smile.

"Because you're living in my head and you're not paying rent."

Eliott laughs and drops his phone, which Lucas picks up and gives back to him. Eliott looks up at him and then looks up at the sky and smiles.

''No wonder the sky is gray today, all the blue is in your eyes.''

Lucas blushes and Eliott starts laughing again. 

''Oh! Good one! I didn't think it was possible, but it's good to finally see a smile on your face. I'm Lucas."

Eliott smiles and his eyes stretch almost as far as his lips, which makes Lucas capsize.

''Nice to meet you, Lucas. You got guts, man. Aren't you afraid some guy's gonna break your face when you walk up to him like that?"

Lucas sees his bus coming and stands up with a shrug.

''I just wanted to make you smile a little. And I think it worked, so it was worth it. Okay, see you later, Eliott."

Eliott also gets up and gets on the bus at the same time as Lucas. They head for the poles in the middle of the bus but the bus starts up again before Lucas has time to hold on and he's propelled against Eliott. He leans on his chest to get back on his feet and he meets Eliott's smile. 

''Sorry."

Eliott chuckles as he gently pushes Lucas away.

''Don't worry. It's okay. Well, how do you know my name is Eliott?"

Lucas raises his eyebrows and smiles.

''I have my sources. I know you're a new senior in high school."

Eliott looks at him skeptical.

''Okay. So you hits the new guys coming into the school? Or have you been hitting on every guy at school and you need some fresh meat?"

Lucas is feeling his cheeks turning really red.

''No. And no. And I wasn't hitting on you, I just wanted to be nice and make sure you were okay."

Eliott pushes the bus-stop button with a smile on his face.

''Thank you, but I'm fine. And I'm sure it was flirting. Well, I'm flattered, but I don't have time for that. I just have to finish my year and graduate. That's all I have to do. I'm not available."

Lucas shrugs his shoulders, watching Elliot walk towards the bus door. He has to make a real effort not to show he's disappointed. The bus stops and the doors open, but Eliott doesn't get off. He sighs, turns around and comes back to Lucas by pressing the call signal again as soon as the bus starts again.

''I'm sorry, I shouldn't have talked to you like that. I'm really glad I met you. Normally, I would've loved to get to know you better and even date you. It's just bad timing, I'm sorry. But thank you for all of this, Lucas, you really brightened up my day. I'll see ya."

Lucas doesn't have time to respond that the bus doors open and Eliott runs out to walk up the avenue. 

And Lucas can't help smiling like an idiot because Eliott prefers to miss his stop to come back to him, even if he was obviously in a hurry. It may only be a small hope, but it's a hope nonetheless. And the only phrase that Lucas can hear echoing in his head is ''even date you. I'll see ya"...

Now Lucas can't wait to get back to school to see Eliott again and maybe make him smile again. 

Making Eliott smile is going to be his new favorite pastime. The reward is definitely worth it!


	2. I'm not afraid of you

What Lucas doesn't expect when he arrives at the school the next day is to find Eliott leaning against the school gate and smiling when he sees him.

"Hey, Lucas, how are you?"

Lucas wonders if he's dreaming, or hasn't changed universes in his sleep, but the smile on Eliott's face is enough to bring him back to reality, so he's heading towards him..

"Fine, and you?"

Eliott shrugs his shoulders and then pulls the shoulder strap from his bag over his shoulder. 

''I wanted to apologize for yesterday. I was rude, and you didn't deserve that. You seem really nice. So there you go, sorry."

Lucas smiles at him and they both walk side by side into the yard.

"Hey, you wanna go to a party tonight?"

Eliott stops and immediately goes back to that sad look on his face.

''Frankly, I would've loved to, but I can't.'' He sighs as he runs his hand through his hair, ''See, this is why you have to let it go, Lucas. I made up my mind before I met you. I'm only here to study and get my degree. I don't have any free time outside of school hours. I know it sucks, and no, I can't change that. That's one of the reasons why it's not worth wasting your time with me. And unfortunately that's not the only reason. Sorry."

He starts to pull away, but Lucas catches up with him and grabs his arm.

''Wait, you do at least have your lunch break, right? We could go out to lunch. I guess you like pizza, right?"

Lucas surprises himself. Did he just ask a guy out? He's trying to look cool. But he knows that's not the case at all. Is it normal to freak out like that? And why did he ask him out? He swore he didn't have a crush on a guy in high school.

''I don't know, Lucas. I'd love to, but I don't think I should."

Lucas shrugs his shoulders, trying not to show disappointment, and he heads for the main building when Eliott's hand rests on his shoulder.

''Holy shit, okay. We meet in front of the school at 12:05pm. See you then."

If he wasn't in his high school yard, Lucas would be doing a victory dance. He's trying to calm down, remembering that Eliott probably just sees him as a friend. But Lucas can't help but think maybe Eliott sees more than that in him. He sees Yann passing the school gate and heading towards him. They are barely sitting on the wall when Basile and Arthur join them.

''Uh Lulu, are you okay? You look weird. Have you been smoking?"

Lucas blinks his eyes and looks at Yann. He doesn't have time to open his mouth for Arthur to stare at him so casually.

"Even though you've been smoking, I've never seen you smile so much. So, what do you got?"

''Have you got any cocaine? Oh, fuck is that it?"

Lucas pushes his friends away as the bell rings.

''I'm not on drugs, you idiots. I'm just happy. Don't we have a right to be happy?"

Basile looks at him and smiles.

''Oh, yes, he does. We're gonna have a great party tonight. Well, hurry up, we're gonna be late."

Lucas grabs his bag and goes into the building with his friends.

''By the way, guys, I'm going out for lunch, don't wait for me.''

Yann immediately stops in the middle of the corridor and pulls Lucas by the arm so they can get to the side.

''What you doing to us now, bro? You've barely eaten anything all week. Are you doing it again?"

Lucas gives him a black stare and waves him keep your voice down.

''Oh, Yann. First of all, stop saying stuff like that. I've never had a problem with food, and you know it. Eating just isn't my priority when I'm not feeling well. But right now, I swear I'm fine. I'm going out to eat because I have a date but I don't want the guys asking me about it. Ok?"

Yann takes a big smile and puts his arm around his best friend's shoulders.

''I knew you weren't smiling for nothing. Finally you're becoming a real man. And who's the lucky girl?"

"Lallemant, Cazas, stop loitering and get to class!"

Lucas turns to see the principal and steps up to enter the math class. He's never been happier to go to class. 

At 11:55 he discreetly puts his pens in his pencil case and starts to put his papers in his sorter. At noon, he is the first to leave the classroom. He leaves the school and waits on the opposite sidewalk. 

Fifteen minutes later, he sighs. It's clear that Eliott won't come. There's no way Lucas go to the cafeteria to eat and face Yann's pitying look. So he goes back up the street with his hands in his pockets.

"Lucas, wait."

Lucas turns around with a huge smile to watch Eliott catch up with him.

"I'm really sorry, the principal came to get me, he wouldn't let me go."

Lucas waves to him that he's okay and they walk side by side, walking away from school. 

''Are you in trouble already?''

Eliott hesitates, then shakes his head.

''No, not really. He wanted to give me a formal speech, like : _I'm here to help you, Eliott. Come talk to me if you need anything. We'll adapt to your situation._ "

Lucas shakes his head and points to the street with the best pizza truck in Paris. They place their orders and go sit on the grass in the park across the street. For a month of January, it's really sunny this Friday.

''So, do you have a situation?''

Eliott looks like a deer caught between the headlights of a car and Lucas immediately regrets his question.

''Sorry. Forget it. Never mind. Tell me something about yourself instead. Like, what do you draw?"

Eliott smiles and seems to be relaxing.

"How do you know I draw?"

Lucas shrugs his shoulders and smiles.

''I've got my sources, remember?''

Eliott chuckles and shakes his head.

''I think it's more like, you're looking at me, Lucas. And while I'm flattered, for your own good you should drop it, I have nothing to offer you."

The guy in the truck waves to them that their orders are ready and Lucas waves to Eliott to stay put.

''Okay. So just take what you're offered."

Hell, at this exact moment, Lucas would want Mika to be there to see him. Cause he'd be fucking proud! He's openly flirting with a hot guy and he's totally confident. Well, actually, he's not, but he pretends to be and he likes it. Mika wouldn't believe it!

He takes the two slices of pizza, the sodas and two doughnuts and goes back to sit next to Eliott. 

''Thanks Lucas, but you didn't have to do that'' says Eliott softly as he takes his slice of pizza.

Lucas shrugs his shoulders as he bites into his own.

''I asked you out of high school so it's for me. Don't worry, you'll pay next time."

Eliott nods and Lucas feels his heart swell with joy. It's a small victory, but it's a victory. 

"So, what are you drawing?"

Eliott wipes his hands and takes out some leaves from his schoolbag. There are animals drawn all over the leaves. There is often a raccoon and a koala bear in different places: lying on a bed, watching TV, walking hand in hand, sitting in front of a sunset...On some leaves, there are wolves, and then a cat. Lucas chuckles because all these animals really don't belong together in reality.

''That's cute. Like a illustrative of children's books.''

Eliott nods his head and puts the leaves in his bag.

''That's exactly right. I think I wanna do that later."

Lucas giggles and then puts his hand over his mouth and apologizes.

''Sorry, but it doesn't fit at all with your image of the mysterious and dark guy. It surprised me. But I guess like all passion, it's ageless. I've never met anyone who's as passionate about anything as you are about your drawings. Most 18-year-olds spend their recess smoking, playing ball or chatting, but you seem happy just by drawing."

Eliott looks him in the eye and suddenly seems very serious.

''You see I was right, you look at me. First of all, I'm 19, and then, I'm not like the other guys, Lucas. I could never be like the other guys. And that's why you should stay away from me. "

Lucas whistles as he throws his head back.

''Hey, take it easy, Edward Cullen. Okay, what if I'm like Bella? What if I don't want to stay away from you? What if I feel like I need to protect you and be close to you?"

Eliott looks up to the sky and smiles.

''That line there, that's Edward's, not Bella's. And I'm sorry to disappoint you, but you look nothing like Kristen Stewart. I wonder what that's all about? Maybe it's your hair?"

''Oh Fuck, you have a hidden sense of humor too?'' Lucas laughs and grabs his donut. "I thought for sure you were a fan of Twilight. So, what's your secret? Are you a vampire? I wouldn't be afraid, you know. I'm not afraid of you."

Eliott gets very serious by getting closer to Lucas. They're so close, their noses almost touch.

''Maybe you should. What if it's worse than that, Lucas? What if it's not just who I am, but what I'm going through, too? What if"

"Eliott?"

Eliott jumps and steps back. Lucas looks at Imane, who walks towards them.

''I didn't know you two knew each other. That's cool."

Imane sits in front of them and Lucas notices that Eliott is freaking out. Eliott gets up and grabs his stuff.

''Imane, can I talk to you, please... See you, Lucas, and thank you."

And just like that, Eliott walks away with Imane. Lucas watches Eliott shamefully lower his head and Imane puts his hand on his shoulder but he doesn't hear anything of their conversation. Eliott goes back to the school while Imane comes back to sit next to Lucas.

''It's cool that you two are friends. Eliott's just as cranky as you are when he gets going but he's really great."

Lucas looks at Imane and he feels like he's discovering her. 

''How do you know him?"

"He's my brother's best friend, Idriss. He used to come home so much, before, he was practically part of the family. My father would trade him for Idriss without a problem. I suggested he come here to finish his senior year because we complain but our school is not bad."

"Before what?"

Imane shrugs her shoulders and grabs her bag next to her.

''Come on, Lucas, let's go, we're gonna be late for class.'' Imane gets up and signals. 

Lucas goes back to school with lmane, completely lost. As soon as he passes the gate, he sees Yann's astonished look on Imane's face. But he doesn't have time to go and tell his best friend that it's not at all what he thinks because the bell rings and he follows Imane to the bio lab. 

When the teacher gives them back their pre-holiday tests, Lucas feels like crying. He got a 5/20. He hasn't gotten such a bad grade in years. 

''The whole class, except for Imane, scored below average. So, Monday you'll have another test and I'll average both marks on your report card. In other words, I wish you a good weekend of revision in advance."

A few students grumble and Lucas waits for the teacher to leave before leaning over to Imane.

''Please, Imane, I need your help. Can we work together this weekend?"

Imane looks at him in amazement before he throws a sorry smile.

''Sorry, Lucas, but I'm not here this weekend. I'm leaving tomorrow morning for my aunt's and I won't be back until Sunday night. But If you reread your notes and open your book, you should be able to make it."

Lucas sighs, waving his copy in front of Imane.

''I had 5/20, Imane! I totally didn't get it, and rereading it won't help me understand. Can you help me tonight?"

Imane seems to hesitate then shakes her head.

''Sorry, I'm working. Baby-sitting."

Lucas sighs again as he puts his head in his arms before he stands up.

''Baby or child? Because if it's a baby, he'll sleep or play quietly and we can work while he's doing it, right?"

Imane frowns and gets closer to Lucas.

''But why do you want to study so badly with me? Why do you suddenly want to be the best, Lucas? If this is about finding out about Eliott, you're talking to the wrong person, Lucas."

Lucas is stunned and frowning. He hadn't even thought of that. How can Imane imagine he's so petty?

''First of all, I didn't even think about Eliott. I know you won't say anything and I don't want to know anything unless he tells me. Besides, we barely know each other, he's just a buddy, my life doesn't revolve around him. And I'm offended that you would think that of me. I want to work with you, because you're totally the best at biology. And I have a deal with my dad : As long as I get good grades, I get to stay in the flatshare, and he'll help me out financially. But if my grades slip, I have to go live with him and his new family, so move and change schools and ''

Imane puts her hand on Lucas' arm and smiles at him.

''Okay. Sorry. 7:30pm at my place. I'll text you the address. And don't make any plans this weekend,I'll set up a study schedule for you. I'm not gonna let my bio partner walk off like that, don't worry."


	3. I'd rather be with you

Lucas sends one last text to the gang before knocking on the Bakhellal's door.

_I'm sorry, I really need to work on biology with Imane. Have fun at the party._

OK, that's really cowardly, but he didn't want to listen to their accusations. He turns his phone off so he won't be bothered by notifications from his disappointed friends. It's Imane's father who comes to open the door and looks at him frowning.

"Yes?"

''Hello sir, I'm Lucas. I'm here to work with Imane in biology."

Mr Bakhellal lets him in and then frowns again while Lucas takes off his coat and shoes.

''It's the first time a boy has come to work with my Imane. No wandering hands, no signs of affection, no kissing in my house, is that all right?''

Lucas chuckles as he nods his head.

''There's none of that between us, sir. I just came here to work biology, that's absolutely no excuse."

"You don't think my Imane is good enough for you?"

Lucas opens his eyes as he steps back.

''Uh, no. I mean, yes. I don't... I..."

''Do you prefer other girls because they undress easily? Or do you only go out with white girls? Is that it, huh? You don't like black girls?"

"I don't like girls."

Lucas almost screams and he puts one hand over his mouth. But it's too late for that. Imane's dad looks at him smiling and puts his hand on his shoulder.

''Ah. Why didn't you say so? Right, good. Good."

He pushes him slightly to get him in the house and Lucas sees Imane in the living room giving a baby his bottle.

''I'm really sorry about my dad, Lucas. If Clara wasn't drinking, I would have stepped in. I'm really sorry."

Lucas moans as he sits on the couch in front of Imane.

"Did you hear everything?"

Imane nods his head and smiles.

"Nothing new under the sun, Lucas."

Lucas looks at her surprised.

"What?"

Imane shrugs her shoulders before looking at him.

''All the girls have known it since last year. You lent Manon your phone, and there were several open sites in the background. So... here it is. But it's good that you're starting to say it out loud and I can already tell you it doesn't make any difference to anyone in the group, you know. Daphné says it's really great to have a gay best friend like in the movies. You know her, she's just a little intense."

Lucas sighs but thanks her while she puts the baby on her shoulder to burp.

"How old is she?"

Imane looks at the little one and smiles.

''Clara just turned 7 months old, she's my little ray of sunshine.I'll take care of her twice a month since she was three months old."

The little one laughs, then burps and vomits on Imane's blouse. Imane now holds her at arm's length. Lucas wince while Imane started to laugh. She gets up and puts the girl in Lucas' arms.

''Oh no, what are you doing there?''

Imane looks at him as if he were a complete idiot.

''I'm going to change my clothes, Lucas. I'm not gonna help you with your class if I smell vomit. So don't drop it on the floor, please. It's a baby, it doesn't break, but it's fragile. Just think how lucky you are, next week I babysit my cousin's son and he's only two months old. Don't shake her, she has a weak stomach."

Lucas raises an eyebrow looking at Clara in his arms.

''With what you just did to Imane, I'm sure I won't shake you, princess.''

The little girl laughs and Lucas relaxes. He's never taken care of a kid before, but if she's laughing, he must be doing something right.

When Imane comes back changed, Lucas gently caresses Clara's thin brown hair and she starts to fall asleep in his arms.

''Okay, I'll put her down and we'll study. Get out the books, we'll take my notes."

Imane holds out her arms to Clara but Clara starts crying and grabs hold of Lucas. And Lucas gently tightens his embrace around the little girl so that she stops crying.

''She loves to fall asleep in his arms.'' Imane says softly ''and I'm jealous. I think she adopted you. She never falls asleep without her cuddly toy, but it looks like he can stay in bed for tonight.

Lucas laughs and looks at the little girl with her eyes closed.

''It's a well-known fact, isn't it? Gay guy are magnets for girls?"

Imane laughs as she opens the textbooks. 

''You know I wouldn't say anything, Lucas, but I think guys deserve to know who you really are instead of just pretending to be with meaningless girls. Besides, it's not very nice for girls."

Lucas looks down in shame and Imane hands him a report card.

''Okay. End of parenthesis, now we're working!"

When Lucas comes out of Imane's around 10:00, his head is full of scientific words, but he thinks he's got it. And Imane has prepared a study schedule for him this weekend that he's going to stick to. It is out of the question that he goes to live with his father.

He turns his phone back on and goes through the notifications. Of course, his friends are disappointed, and of course Yann makes several innuendoes that Lucas doesn't like at all. And it's when he sees his friends' instagram stories that he realizes that he spent a better evening studying with Imane and a baby with a fragile stomach than if he had spent the evening with his friends, pretending to pick up girls. Imane's right, it's really lame. 

He shrugs his shoulders and gets on the bus, preferring not to think about it after all. It's better to think about the weekend of studying. 

On Monday, he's the first one to hand in his control. The teacher gives him a glance of exasperation before taking his paper and correcting it directly. So Lucas waits. And he sees his teacher's mouth open slightly.

''What did you do, Lucas?'' she finally asks, ''If you weren't in the front row, I'd think you were cheating.''

''I've been studying with Imane.'' Lucas answers proudly.

She returns his copy with a big smile.

''19/20, good job, Lucas. You've made up for it."

Lucas shouts a victory cry before leaving the classroom with a big smile under the reproach of the other students who want to finish in peace. And he collides directly into Eliott.

''Fuck, I'm sorry, Eliott, I didn't see you.''

Eliott waves to him that it's okay and smiles softly at him.

''Don't you have class?'' asks Lucas.

Eliott shakes his head and smiles. For a guy who wasn't smiling at all, his smile seems to be the most natural thing about him now.

''No. Our philosophy teacher is sick. Most of the guys have stayed in the yard, but"

"You're not like most guys," Lucas ends sarcastically.

Eliott giggles and then shakes his head.

''Actually Imane told me you studied for this test and I wanted to see if it had gone well. And I wanted to apologize for the way I left Friday lunch. And see if you wanted to go out for lunch today."

Lucas waves his copy in front of Eliott with a triumphant look on his face. And Eliott smiles even more, it's like his smile is reflected in his eyes.

''Okay. We need to celebrate."

Lucas nods his head and smiles. It's gonna be the perfect day! 

So that lunchtime, he tells his friends he has to go out to lunch with Mika and he joins Eliott. 

''Okay. This time, I'm in charge." warns Eliott when they get together. "But we have to walk fast or we'll be late."

He starts walking, then turns a couple of blocks and ends up taking a bus. They stop in the Marais district and that makes Lucas smile. He's been here several times with Mika, he even got him into an LGBT bookstore when Lucas didn't even know it existed. They cross a rainbow colored pedestrian crossing and Eliott only shows the facade of the _Yogurt factory_.

''Did we just drive six miles to get a yogurt?'' Lucas asks puzzled.

''No'' corrects Eliott ''we're 2,5 miles from the school, I checked last night, and it's not just a yogurt, it's everything you want it to be."

They walk into the store and some brown guy in red dungarees greets them with a big smile. And frankly, watching Eliott create totally improbable mixes and asking for more and more cuties to put on his frozen yogurt is entertainment that's totally worth lying to his friends about and to make the trip. 

''Are we eating while we walk?''

Lucas nods, thanks to Eliott for paying, and they walk out side by side. Lucas loves the liveliness of this neighborhood. Even on a Monday at 12:30, there are a lot of people. And contrary to what happens in other neighborhoods, here everyone seems happy. Or maybe it's just the colourful atmosphere of the Marais that creates this mood. But Lucas likes it. Even the brown guy who looks at them and walks towards them has a huge smile on his face.

"Eliott?"

Okay, so this guy was just smiling at Eliott after all. Eliott jumps when he hears him calling and lifts his head out of his yogurt, and he freezes immediately when he sees the brown guy.

''Damn it, Eliott! Unbelievable, man. We thought you were dead! Why did you just drop us like that?"

The guy pounds his fist against Eliott's fist and then hugs him. He whispers something in his ear, and Lucas is really embarrassed, he's not sure if he's supposed to walk away and leave them alone or not. 

Eliott shakes his head and pushes the guy away.

''Sorry, Dorian, but I don't do that anymore.''

Lucas doesn't miss Dorian's surprised face, which shows he doesn't believe in it at all. And Eliott notices because he adds.

''Really.''

Dorian shrugs his shoulders and pouting.

''Too bad. But if you need money, you know where to find me. And your buddy can come too, he's cute and the good boy style is always perfect."

Eliott stands in front of Lucas, stands up like he's growing up and takes on a dry voice that Lucas had never heard before. 

''Don't even think about it. You forget him, Dorian. He's not like that."

''You weren't, either, El. You ended up having a good time, though, didn't you?''

Eliott grunts in response and Dorian winked away apart. Eliott sighs and checks the time on his phone.

''Okay, we're gonna be late for class, we gotta hurry.''

They get back on the bus without talking. They sit next to each other, but then Eliott regains his sad face and looks at his hands.

''Lucas, I...''

Eliott's broken voice hurts to hear and it is by hearing him that Lucas realizes that he would rather continue to be with Eliott, in spite of all his mysteries, than stop seeing him. If Eliott needs time to confide in him, Lucas will give it to him. So, Lucas takes Eliott's hand in his to gently squeeze it, hoping to make him understand that all is well.

''It's okay, Eliott, never mind. Tomorrow at noon, I'm taking you out for Lebanese food. You'll love their sweet-and-sour mix."

Eliott looks at him smiling softly and Lucas knows that no matter what he's hiding, Lucas won't be afraid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ''Le Marais'' is THE LGBT district of Paris. Le Marais offers a good balance between LGBT establishments as well as those considered gay friendly.
> 
> ''Le Marais'' has evolved over the years but remains a neighbourhood where it is nice to meet and show off.


	4. I'm falling in love to you

It becomes their ritual. For the third week in a row, every noon, they go out for lunch. They don't even think about it anymore, they just meet at noon in front of the school. Sometimes they eat outside, just sitting on the grass, sometimes they walk around eating, and sometimes, when it rains, they eat inside: kebab, pizzas, sushi, soup bar, salad bar...they test everything and anything.

They spend the break hour talking. Lucas tells the story of life as a roommate and makes Eliott laugh with the crisp anecdotes of life with Mika and Lisa. He tells him a little about his family, his father who has left and his mother who is sick even if he's not talking about his schizophrenia, he can't stand it when people only see it in her house when they know about it. They talk about the classes. Eliott talks about the art school he would like to go to, he talks about the movies he loves and he gives the impression that he has seen them hundreds of times. Eliott never talks about his old high school and why he transferred and Lucas doesn't ask. They never talk about Dorian either. 

The guys have gotten used to Lucas not eating at the canteen and even if Yann doesn't suspect Imane of being with Lucas anymore, since she eats at the high school, Lucas never answers his friends' questions. At first, he would make up phoney pretexts, like an errand to run or that he had forgotten something at home, but for a week now, he's just shaking his head to say that no, he won't eat at the canteen. And his friends don't push him, because they know it's useless.

Lucas and Eliott aren't hiding. They meet in front of the school gate and they always come back together. But nobody cares, because clearly, they're not the most popular guys in school, and that works out really well for lucas. 

When they coming back, after eating sushi this Wednesday, Eliott tells him about a movie that's coming out and he can't wait to see it. Lucas would love to go to the movie with Eliott. That sounds really silly, just going to the movies together. And he would like to know why that's impossible. He looks at Eliott out of the corner of his eye, wondering if he should ask him why they can't see each other outside of high school. Lucas doesn't want to push Eliott into confiding in him, he's sure Eliott will tell him when he's ready, but he'd really like more than an hour on the lunch break.

''I know I shouldn't, but I'd really like us both to go see him. Like next Friday."

Lucas look at Eliott wondering if he heard right.

"I thought you couldn't go out at night?"

Eliott smiled an embarrassed smile.

''Yeah, I can, not often, but I can. I don't live in prison, you know. But I"

Lucas looks at Eliott with a frown.

''No, I don't know, Eliott. How do you expect me to know when you"

He's so engrossed in the anger that's bubbling up inside him that he's shoving a girl who was walking on the sidewalk. She looks as lost as Lucas and almost falls backwards, but finally hits the wall.

"I'm sorry, I didn't see you," she finally says.

Lucas shakes his head.

''No, it's me. Sorry, I wasn't looking.''

The girl looks up to look at him and smiles. Then she quickly turns her head to greet Eliott before looking at Lucas and then turns to Eliott obviously surprised.

"Eliott?"

Eliott's cheeks turn red immediately, but he hugs the girl. He doesn't look as freaked out as he did when he met Dorian. He looks surprised, but happy to see her. And he speaks softly, as if he doesn't want to scare her.

''Hi, Leonie, how are you?''

She squeezes gently against him before she backs away. She takes a breath before she speaks, and if Lucas thinks it's weird, he doesn't show it.

''I'm fine. Pretty stable, actually. I met someone, and he's been really helpful. It's nice to have someone to help me keep my head above water. We miss you, you know. The group hasn't changed that much, you could come back."

Eliott lowers his head in a sigh.

''I'm sorry, Leonie, I had to put my priorities elsewhere.''

Leonie shakes her head and puts her hand on Eliott's arm.

''This should remain one of your priorities, Eliott. Don't forget how much it helped you, and you don't have to come alone, you know."

Leonie greets them and Eliott quietly resumes the march. 

''Are you ever gonna tell me about it?'' asks Lucas softly, ''Am I right to believe that someday you'll trust me enough to tell me what you're hiding?''

Eliott sighs as if he's been waiting for this moment for a long time.

''Frankly, I don't know, Lucas. I'm totally lost. There's what I would like to do and what I believe I should do and it's just the opposite of each other. I shouldn't have even... I think you should talk to him.''

Eliott points at Yann. Lucas' best friend is waiting for him on the sidewalk outside the school frowning. Lucas was wondering how long Yann would wait before he did this. Lucas is already amazed he's kept it up for so long. Eliott greets Lucas and enters the high school while Lucas goes towards his Yann.

Yann raises an eyebrow but waits until Eliott is far enough away before talking.

''What's that, Lucas? Why were you with the new guy? We're really starting to worry about you, bro. You know you can tell me anything. I won't judge you but I'm tired of closing my eyes."

Lucas gives a sigh and Yann frowns.

"I knew it." Yann concludes, "So, what's the story? You two sell drugs together? Or does he supply you? You've been so weird the last few weeks, I knew something was up. And this guy, he's so weird."

Lucas makes an exasperated moan and looks up to the sky.

''Fuck, Yann. What do you imagine now? You really believe all that? Why do you think it's about drugs?"

Yann shrugs his shoulders and sighs.

"I don't know, Lucas. I feel like I don't know you anymore. Tell me what's going on."

Lucas moves closer to him so he can whisper.

''What's going on is I'm fucking in love.''

Yann takes a big smile.

"It's about Imane?"

Lucas shakes his head even more exasperated.

''What? No, idiot. I'm in love to Eliott."

Yann steps back and bumps his back against the wall behind him.

''What? You and Eliott? Fuck, Lucas, are you gay?"

Lucas waves him down and shakes his head.

''No. I mean, yes. No, we're not a couple, but yes, I would. I love him. Like, really love him. Like, a lot. And I really wish we were more, but he doesn't."

Yann takes Lucas in his arms and holds him.

''I feel sorry for you, bro. There's nothing worse than unrequited love but unfortunately, not all good-looking guys are gay."

Lucas backs away with a smile.

''Oh, but I'm sure that's not the problem. Cause even though he says we shouldn't, he keeps coming back to me. It's his idea to go out to lunch every day, and sometimes he touches my hand or my thigh, like it's an accident, but I know it's not. He's always looking for great places to eat. But something's keeping him from committing, and I don't know what it is. I don't think it's because we're two boys, I think it has something to do with his transferring out of high school. He says that's all he can offer me, lunch break and the more time I spend with him, the more I want more. And so did he, because he offered to take me to the movies together. I'm totally lost, Yann."

Yann looks at him and shrugs his shoulders.

"Didn't you ask him? Why did he come here? And why can't you see him after school or on weekends? Have you ever tried following him at night, to see where he lives?"

Lucas is shaking his head in the negative. He's thought about it, but he's not a stalker. He's already done more than enough internet research on Eliott. And he couldn't stand that Eliott feels betrayed if he finds out that he's following him to see what he's hiding from him.

''You should ask him.'' Says Yann ''Like right now, you text him and ask him. You tell him you'd like something serious and you'd really like to be a part of his life."

Lucas hesitates before he takes his phone out of his pocket. Yann's right. Now that they've become really close, maybe Eliott will get a different answer than when they first met. And then it becomes really hard to be with Eliott and fight the urge to kiss him or hold his hand. And Lucas is convinced that that's what Eliott wants too, just the way Eliott looks at him. But if it isn't, it's better to be set right now than to hope in vain. It may sound cowardly, but texting is easier.

He types quickly and then shows the message to Yann, who nods. He rereads it one last time.

_I need to have a real talk, Eliott. You warned me you had nothing to offer me, but I want more, Eliott. I'd like to get serious with you and I'd like to be a part of your life outside of this school. I think I'm falling in love with you._

And he hits send.

''Maybe that last sentence was too much, huh?'' Yann finally says. 

Lucas turns around and hits him on the arm.

''You're kidding, right? I just sent it. Damn, you couldn't say it before. Shit, of course it's too much."

''But, no, forget I said that. At least it's clear."

The bell rings and Yann pulls Lucas inside the school. They spend the first 10 minutes of sport class telling Arthur and Basile all about it. The boys don't even have time to react to the fact that Lucas is gay that Yann tells them about the text Lucas sent and Arthur looks up.

''Tell me this is a joke, Lucas. You didn't write this anyway?"

Basile turns to Yann.

"But why did you let him do it, Yann? At what point did you think it was a good idea to say _I love you_ by text?"

Yann shrugs his shoulders as he catches the ball the teacher sends them.

"He didn't write _I love you_." Yann defends himself.

"No" confirms Basile. " _I'm falling in love with you_. Everyone know it's worse. Even me."

Lucas sighs as he intercepts the ball Basile throws.

"And what did he say?"

Lucas shrugs his shoulders.

"I don't know, my phone's in the locker room."

Arthur and Basile look at him like he's an idiot and Lucas shows them his middle finger.

''Couldn't you just take it in your pocket? Fuck, Lucas, you really suck."

''Hey, blabbermouths, three laps around the field!'' shouts the coach, pointing at them. 

Lucas thanks his friends in the most sarcastic tone of voice possible with running... well, before he spits his lungs out instead.

As soon as they are allowed to go and change, Arthur, Basile and Yann rush into the dressing room at the same time as Lucas. 

''So? So?" asks Basile ''OMG, this is so exciting!"

Lucas pulls out his phone and smiles when he sees that he does indeed have a message from Eliott. He opens it and the next moment, his heart breaks. If a broken heart could hear itself, the whole locker room would hear it. Yann gently takes his phone out of his hands and Lucas feels that every word is already written in his mind. 

_Sorry, Lucas. I love you too. I really love you so much. But that's exactly why we have to stop seeing each other. I'm hurting you by having a good time with you and not being able to give you more. You deserve to be with someone who can be with you 100%, Lucas. And that's not me. You deserve so much better, Lucas. I'm really sorry about that._

Lucas grabs his phone, grabs his stuff without changing and goes home. He sends a message asking Eliott for an explanation but gets no answer so he hides under his duvet crying. 

And yet, the next day when he arrives at school, he is determined to get an explanation. He can't stand the thought of Eliott choosing for him. No matter what happens in Eliott's life, it's up to Lucas to decide if it's too much for him to bear. But Eliott doesn't show up during the day. And he's not answering any messages from Lucas. And it's the same the next day. Lucas doesn't even try to ask Imane for an explanation. He knows she won't say anything, and anyway, it's not for her to say.

His phone vibrates and he pulls it out with a wave of hope, but it's just a message from his father telling him that the February transfer has been made. For once, he's ahead of schedule.

''Come on, Lulu, it's Friday. Come to the party with us. Now that we know what you're looking for, we'll find you a guy to help you move on."

Lucas looks at Basile and sighs.

''Sorry, but no. I just want to go home and go to bed."

Lucas grabs his bag, says bye to his friends and goes back to the flatshare. Mika is working and Lisa's gone to London with the whole Crew to see Manon and Charles, so Lucas uses the flat alone to bring his duvet into the living room, switch off his phone and watch ''At first sight'' while eating ice cream. 

The doorbell startled him and he wiped the tears from his cheeks as he looked at the time. 9H35pm. It must certainly be the gang that comes to pick him up but Lucas has no desire to party. At the third ring, he decides to get up from the couch. It's raining a bit outside and he feels a bit sorry for his friends. 

When he picks up the intercom, Eliott's voice sounds like an electric shock.

"Lucas, it's me."

Lucas pushes the door open.

''Second floor, door on the right.''

Lucas barely has time to wonder how Eliott knows where he lives when a knock rings at the door and makes him jump. He takes a slight breath and opens the door.

And his heart misses a beat. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ''At first glance'', is a film (called in Portuguese: Today I want to go home alone.) 
> 
> Leonardo is blind. His mother overprotects him and he tries as best he can to live independently, for example by wanting to join an international exchange program with his best friend Giovana. When Gabriel, a new student, arrives in his class, Leonardo experiences a series of new emotions that make him question his plans.
> 
> I love this film!


	5. I'd do it for you

Lucas looks at his phone and sends one last message to Imane. He writes in caption Sunday-19h56 - and attaches the photo he just took. 

He sighs as he scrolls through the pictures of his weekend. He never thought he would have such pictures in his phone one day. And yet now it seems almost normal to him, and he even smiles when he looks at some of them. 

He lowers his head and looks at the brown strand of hair running through his fingers as he gently strokes them. Lucas stupidly thought that when Eliott would tell him his secret, everything he didn't understand about Eliott would suddenly become very clear and that everything would be connected. And even looking at that sleepy face against his chest, he still doesn't understand. 

He doesn't understand who Dorian or Leonie is, or what Eliott was doing with them. Or for them. He doesn't understand why Eliott transferred mid-year to a school farther away from home. It doesn't make any sense. 

But everything that happened this weekend doesn't make sense and yet Lucas doesn't regret any of the choices he made and drove him here on Sunday night kissing a clump of brown hair. 

He closes his eyes and is back by Friday night, when Eliott knocks on his door. 

He sees Eliott standing in front of the door again, his hair soaked, big purple circles under his eyes, looking totally exhausted, giving the impression that the weight he was carrying was much too much for him.

Lucas sighs thinking of Eliott. He would so much like Eliott to be there in the flat's living room with him. He hasn't seen him smile since Wednesday noon and he misses it. He misses hearing Eliott laugh. He misses talking to Eliott. He misses Eliott... 

Lucas closes his eyes and falls asleep thinking about Friday.

** Friday 9:39 p.m. **

Eliott is standing in front of him, his hair is soaked, he has big purple rings under his eyes, he looks totally exhausted and he gives the impression that the weight he is carrying is much too heavy for him and that he is going to drop it.

Lucas shakes his head and reacts. He delicately takes Clara from Eliott's arms before pulling him by the arm to get him into the apartment.

Eliott seems so relieved that he seems to be on the verge of fainting. He puts down his bag and his coat and that's when Lucas notices that Eliott doesn't even have any shoes.

Lucas tries not to panic. Whatever is going on, he promised Eliott that he wouldn't be afraid so he tries not to panic. Eliott doesn't look at him, he just stares at his hands as if he's hoping for an answer. He looks so absent it hurts to see. Lucas goes to his room, delicately puts the little girl, still asleep, in the middle of his bed and takes out a pile of clothes for Eliott. 

When he turns around, Eliott is right behind him and Lucas refrains from shouting surprise. 

''You need to take a shower to warm up, and then we talk. But I need you to tell me how I can get in touch with his parents. They must be worried sick about her."

Eliott shakes his head all over and nervously runs his hands through his hair.

''I'm really sorry to barge in on you like this, but I didn't know what to do. My parents are out of town for the week and Imane isn't here. His parents aren't home and Idriss must be drunk at a party. I didn't know what to do."

He looks at Lucas and steps back as if he was panicking.

''Holy shit, I shouldn't have come.''

Lucas puts his hands on Eliott's forearms to calm him down.

''I don't understand, Eliott.''

Eliott looks at Lucas' hands on him and starts sniffing around.

''I know. I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have come here. We're gonna leave."

Lucas tightens his grip on Eliott's arms and shakes his head.

''You're not going anywhere, Eliott. Just tell me how to get in touch with his parents."

''I am his parent.'' announces Eliott before he bursts into tears.

Lucas pulls at him and they both fall to the ground as Lucas checks to make sure the little girl hasn't woken up.

''It's my daughter, Lucas. I'm her only parent. And right now I don't know what to do because I feel like I'm not well and I have no one to take care of her."

Lucas puts his arms around Eliott, who continues to cry.

''I'm here, Eliott. It's okay. I'm here for you. You're not alone. I got you. I'll take care of both of you.''

He feels Eliott relaxing in his arms and a few minutes later, he realizes that Eliott has fallen asleep.

Lucas looks at Eliott and then at Clara and tries not to panic. He doesn't have to think about the whole situation because as soon as he does, his breathing starts to speed up and he can't have an anxiety attack now. What's he supposed to do now?

So he's trying to think calmly about what he's supposed to do. He shifts the girl so he can help Eliott into bed and get his wet clothes off. He tries to get him to put on a T-shirt but Eliott pushes him away and wraps himself in his duvet, just wearing his boxer shorts. At least he's out of wet clothes.

He realises that all this has woken up Clara, so he takes her in his arms and they both go back into the living room. Lucas turns his phone back on, he gets a ton of phone calls in the absence of Imane and lots of messages from her. He calls her back immediately.

''Lucas? Fuck! Tell me he came to your house. Tell me they're with you."

Lucas never heard Imane swear but he totally understands why she's in such a state.

''They're here, Imane, both of them. But I need you to tell me what to do. I'm totally lost right now."

''Eliott had to come in with a bag. Inside you'll have everything you need for Clara. Normally, he keeps a notebook he keeps up to date with her eating habits and everything you need to know about her. But you know her already, you know she's easy. Her cuddly toy must be in the bag, she doesn't normally sleep without it, but you've already proved that she can do it with you."

Lucas nods and smiles at Clara, who gently pulls his hair out to try to put it in her mouth.

''And with Eliott, what am I supposed to do? He's really not well, and"

''He's bipolar, Lucas. He must have sensed he was falling. You don't have to do anything, just let him rest. He's probably got his meds in the inside pocket of the bag. You put it next to him and he'll take them. He didn't want me to tell his parents because it's the first time they've left since Clara was born. They don't normally come back until Wednesday, but if it's too much for you, let me know and I'll call them and they'll try to find an early flight.''

Lucas doesn't even hesitate.

''No, it's fine, don't worry.'' He looks at Clara and smiles, "Hey, princess, are we gonna be okay? And we'll send some nice pictures to Imane to show her how super-Lucas takes good care of you, Ok?"

He hears Imane giggling on the phone.

''Lucas, you're such a great guy. Eliott's lucky to have you. Now I know why he asked me for your address and why he wanted to come to your house. Call me if you have any questions."

Lucas put his phone back after taking the first picture of him and Clara and sending it to Imane. Clara is pulling Lucas' hair and she's laughing. 

He puts her on the carpet and goes to the entrance to get Eliott's bag. And indeed, it contains a bottle, small bottles of water, a milk can, small pots and diapers. Lucas spreads his eyes wide thinking about when he will have to use it. He giggles when he pulls out a soft, half-chewed raccoon that looks just like the ones Eliott is drawing.

Indeed, he finds a little notebook in which Eliott has drawn what looks like a story between a panda and a raccoon. In the bag, there's a bundle of paper where a raccoon is drawn with a hedgehog. There are always little hearts between them. And Lucas recognizes all the places that he and Eliott went to eat. He grabs a notebook where a panda is drawn, and where Clara's name is written in the panda's fur. He reads attentively everything Eliott has written on his daughter and Lucas comes back to sit next to her.

''Okay. So I know it's a lot to ask, but don't poop, okay? Wait till Monday till somebody competent is here to do it. As for the rest, we'll figure it out, okay? I'm warning you, I've never done this before, so you're gonna have to be understanding. Are we clear?"

Clara looks at him and laughs before she opens her arms for Lucas to take her. 

''Okay. Have you eaten tonight?"

Clara looks at him and smiles and Lucas bursts out laughing.

''Am I really talking to a baby? Okay, you know what, I'll make you a bottle. If you're hungry, you eat. If not, we don't care, we'll throw it away."

And that's exactly what he's doing. Fortunately, the instructions for preparing a bottle are written on the box. Lucas feels really silly for not knowing how to do it without reading the instructions, but he also feels super proud to handle this whole situation on his own. He tries not to think about how crazy this situation is. He's gonna talk to Eliott about this when he gets better. 

He looks down at Clara, who is quietly drinking when the apartment door opens. Lucas grins because he knows that Mika will scream as soon as he sees Clara. And that's what happens.

''Okay. I'm not panicking. But what's a baby doing in our house, Lucas?"

Lucas smiles at him.

''It's a very long story.''

Mika sits on the couch and waves to Lucas to talk. So he starts at the beginning. When Eliott shoved him around and didn't see him... Clara falls asleep halfway through the story while she sucked on her raccoon's ear.

''Okay.'' Mika concludes ''So what you're trying to tell me is that you've decided to accept yourself; that you came out of the closet; that you've been openly flirting with a guy. You've even hit on him; you're both in love and you just found out he's bipolar and has a baby?"

Lucas nods his head and Mika bursts out laughing.

''Okay, kitten, nice try, but you could've just told me you were babysitting.''

Mika gets up and Lucas knows he go to check his room. And Mika comes running back, wide-eyed.

''Damn, kitten, there's a guy sleeping in your bed! Don't tell me this is all true."

Lucas is smiling with a half-sorry half-amused smile. Mika still can't seem to get over it, and look at Clara. 

"What are you going to do then?"

Lucas shrugs his shoulders.

''Now I'm going to bed. We'll figure it out tomorrow. I'll take care of her until Eliott gets better and don't think about anything else. If he came here, it's because Eliott trusts me to do this, so I think I'll be okay. I'm sorry to put you through this, but I promise you, you won't have to deal with, Mika."

Lucas gets up slowly so he doesn't wake Clara, who's sleeping against his chest. He's not in his room yet, and Mika joins him with a large drawer.

''It will make her feel like a little bed. This is the drawer that is normally under my bed. Don't worry, I took out my magazines and accessories. Wait, I'll put a duvet underneath to make a mattress and we'll get her a little blanket. I already knew you were a good person under your grumpy exterior, but I'm really proud of you, kitten."

Lucas watch Clara sleep soundly in the drawer made for her. He took a picture of her, but this time he didn't send it to Imane. He's just sending her a message to tell her everything's fine. 

He hesitates as he looks at the free place next to Eliott in his bed. Should he go sleep on the couch? But what if Clara wakes up and he doesn't hear her? That's enough to decide, so he lies down next to Eliott and puts one hand on Clara who is right next to him.

He wakes up when he feels something wet on his fingers. And he's startled because his sleeping brain had forgotten all about it. And actually, it was Clara chewing on his fingers that woke him up.

He sits down in the bed and takes Clara who reaches out her arms to sit on his lap. He bends over to look at Eliott sleeping next to them. He looks rather peaceful. Clara bends over to pull Eliott's hair and starts laughing. And even that doesn't move Eliott a single millimetre. Lucas gets up, taking Clara with him. 

''Come on, princess, let's eat. Your dad needs his rest, but he'll get better soon."

Lucas looks at Eliott before he closes the bedroom door. And, frankly, he knows he's trying to reassure himself as much as he's trying to reassure Clara. He looks at her and she smiles at him. Ok, maybe it's just Lucas who needs reassuring after all.

It's only after giving her her bottle, that she threw up a little on her pajamas and on Lucas' shirt, and after changing her diaper while watching a tutorial on youtube that Lucas realizes that he has no clean clothes for her and no toys. He thinks about it and then leaves a post it on the kitchen table to warn Mika that he went out with Clara to do some shopping. 

At the bottom of the bag brought by Eliott, he finds a coat for Clara and some kind of bag. Lucas takes his computer and types ''manduca'', like what is written on the object. He looks at the different tutorials and sighs. Couldn't Eliott have planned a stroller? 

Lucas looks at Clara and shakes his head. There's no way he's putting on that baby carrier. But there's only one extra bodysuit in the bag. He can't leave her in her vomit-stained pajamas. He looks at the tutorial again and sighs as he passes the strap around his waist. He has to adjust it so much that it makes his feel very small compared to Eliott. 

He puts Clara as the baby on the video and she immediately clings to him. And that's when Lucas understands. She's the panda. The book by Eliott, it's actually for her. And the raccoon isn't just her cuddly toy, it's Eliott. In fact, this book is their story. 

Lucas squirming to hang the strap over his shoulders, but eventually he does. Clara seems pretty comfortable. More than he does, that's for sure. He goes back to the room to leave a note next to Eliott and smiles at his relaxed face before leaving the apartment.

It's not raining, but there is a lot of wind, so Lucas pulls on his coat to protect Clara. He walks to the nearest store and comes out forty minutes later, exhausted, with clothes, toys, a pop-up bed and a charming saleswoman who writes her phone number on the receipt, which makes him incredibly smiling just for the irony of the situation.

Luckily, his father finally gave him the money in advance. If he knew that Lucas used it to buy baby stuff, he would be completely crazy. Lucas laughed as he walked back to the apartment. He stops to buy flowers for Eliott. When his mother wasn't well, he used to buy her flowers and she always said it made him feel good. 

When he gets home, he puts all his shopping in the living room and takes off his coat but he doesn't dare to take Clara out of the baby carrier because she has fallen asleep. So he goes into the kitchen and does the dishes that have been lying around for several days.

''It's a picture I never thought I'd see: Lucas doing dishes with a baby sleeping against him. He's like a daddy bird."

Lucas gives Mika an exaspered look, but Mika smiles and takes a picture.

''You'll send it to Imane, she'll love it.''

Indeed, Imane sends her a smiley face back with hearts in his eyes. Lucas spends his weekend sending a lot of pictures of him and Clara: playing on the living room floor, trying on her new dresses, Lucas doing his homework while Clara chews his pen, Lucas watching a movie with Clara sleeping in his arms, Mika and Lucas sitting at the table around a pizza and Clara trying to grab Mika's beer, Clara laughing in Mika's arms, then Mika grimacing because his shirt is full of vomit. ..that one is definitely the best picture!

Lucas spent the weekend checking on Eliott and researching his illness. Imane was right, he just needs to let him come back to the surface so he checks him as soon as Clara falls asleep. Lucas will really have to ask him why he's drawing himself like a raccoon because right now, he looks more like a hibernating bear...

Lucas wakes up to the sound of capturing a picture and immediately puts his arms around Clara who is sleeping in the baby carrier.

** Sunday 8:35 pm **

That's Mika who just took the picture entering the living room. Lucas rubs his eyes and looks at Clara who is still sleeping soundly against him. 

That's when Lucas realizes that the weekend is over. Tomorrow morning, Imane will be here at 7.30am to pick up Clara and drop her off at the nursery before going to school. And frankly, Lucas has no desire to let her go. He's looking at her little tuft of brown hair sticking out of the baby carrier. She couldn't fall asleep and she was crying a lot tonight. And after two days with her, Lucas knows that the baby carrier is the best weapon to put this little koala bear to sleep.

''Do you think you're ready for this, Lucas?'' asks Mika, bringing two cups of tea into the living room.

''For your tea gross?'' tries to make fun of Lucas. 

Mika rolls his eyes before she looks at Clara.

"I don't know, Mika. I just... I don't know what I'm getting into, Ok? You're asking me if I was planning on dating a guy who's a dad at 19? The answer's no. Apparently life has decided otherwise for me. I hope Eliott finally understands that I really want to share his whole life and he's going to let me. Because that's what life is, Mika, you make plans, you anticipate things, and something happens that turns everything upside down. But it doesn't have to be bad. You know, I don't know, but I don't think Eliott was planning on being a daddy anytime soon either."

"No, I didn't plan that."

Lucas is startled and puts his hands around the baby carrier as if by reflex, hoping he hasn't woken Clara with his sudden movement. He looks at Eliott standing in the living room doorway.

''I'm so sorry, Lucas, I should never have come.''


	6. I want to play with you

Lucas gets up, goes to his room without a word and puts Clara in bed before pushing Eliott out of the room and to go into Lisa's room.

''I'm so sorry, Luc.''

''Shut up'' Lucas' cut him ''Now that's enough, Eliott. I'm tired of you deciding for me. Stop being a great prince and sacrificing yourself for others and just talk to me, please. Explain it to me."

Eliott sits on the bed and sighs.

'I'm not a great prince, Lucas. I don't want to force a life on you that you didn't choose. You don't deserve this. It wasn't supposed to happen like this."

Lucas sits down next to Eliott and takes his hand in his.

"And what was supposed to happen?"

''I was supposed to go back to school, get my BAC and then go to my art' school and get a job, and take care of Clara. I wasn't supposed to fall in love. I don't have place in my life for a relationship. I have to put her first."

Lucas gently stroking Eliott's hand.

''You can put her first, but you can also think about yourself, Eliott. You have a right to be happy too."

Eliott shakes his head and stands up.

''No, Lucas, I'm not allowed. I killed her mother."

Eliott breaks down in tears and Lucas rushes to take him in his arms. But Eliott backs away slightly so he can look Lucas in the eye.

''I tell you I killed her, and you're still here, but what's wrong with you?''

Lucas wipes a tear from Eliott's cheek and doesn't let go of his eyes.

"I love you, Eliott."

Eliott starts crying again while he lays his head on Lucas' shoulder. Lucas sits on Lisa's bed, while Eliott moves to sit next to him.

''It was an accident.'' Eliott says softly ''She came to my house one Sunday night. We'd been separated for six months. And when I saw her round belly, I went crazy. She told me she was eight months pregnant and her parents would kick her out when the baby was born. And I was horrible, I told her it probably wasn't mine, and I didn't want it anyway. She left, and the next day her mother called me to tell me Lucille had been in a car accident, a drunk guy had hit her. I went to the hospital with my parents. Lucille was in a coma, and the baby was born by C-section. Her mother asked me to sign the papers to give her up for adoption, but I couldn't. She was very small but she was fighting for her life. I thought Lucille would come back and take care of her. Lucille died two days later, but I refused to sign the papers again. She was my daughter, I couldn't just abandon her. So as soon as she could get out, she came home with me. My parents helped me. I didn't graduate high school, so I had to repeat a grade. But at my old school, even though Lucille wasn't at that school, everyone knew the story and I couldn't stand to see the looks of hatred, of pity and I couldn't stand their comments. So Imane suggested I come here to finish the year."

Lucas wraps his arms around Eliott and hugs him, stroking his hair.

"You know it's not your fault. It's that drunk guy's fault."

Eliott nods his head and shakes it.

''Don't you understand, if I'd talked to her, she would have stayed longer and not run into him. And maybe if she hadn't been so disappointed in my reaction, she would have managed to avoid him. Maybe"

''Shh.'' Stops Lucas by putting his index finger to his lips. ''You can't spend your life reliving this moment with perhaps, Eliott.''

Eliott shrugs his shoulders.

"I do, though."

''Then stop. You're hurting yourself, and it's useless, Ok? You can never change that. Okay, you've been an asshole. Maybe if you'd known earlier in the pregnancy, it would've been easier. Or maybe not. But the point is, you're a great dad now. You chose to take care of her when it would have been easier to give her up for adoption and you are willing to give your life for her. I read all your recommendations for Clara. I read the book you're writing her. You knew you weren't well and you found someone great to take care of her. And he's really happy you picked him."

Eliott raises an eyebrow and smiles.

"Are you talking about yourself in the third person right now?"

Lucas laughs and pulls out his phone, and he shows Eliott every picture he's taken with Clara since Friday night.

''You're really great, Lucas. All this makes me love you even more, and this is exactly why I can't be with you. I have nothing to offer you, Lucas. I get two nights off every month when Imane babysits Clara for me... Other than that, I want to take care of her without resorting to my parents, so I can never go out. My life is all about going to school and taking care of my baby. You, you're 17 for God's sake, you should be out, having fun with your buddies, drinking, smoking... thinking of nothing. At your age, I went on a road trip for a month without a penny in my pocket, at 18, I was a stripper in Dorian's brother's club. I'm not saying it was my greatest pride, nor that I want you to do it, far from it, but it's to show you that you should be able to do exactly what you want to do without worrying about the rest. You have to fucking live. And not spend the evening watching a DVD and praying for Clara to fall asleep quickly so we can just be the two of us. You shouldn't get cut off in the middle of the sex because she wakes up, or feel like I'm putting her ahead of you, because clearly that's what's going to happen. And it's not fair to you."

''What's not fair is that you want to decide for me, Eliott. What if I like that? What if I want to do it? What if I want to wait and watch a DVD? What if I want to go for a walk hand in hand with you and Clara? What if I love you so much that I don't give a shit about living a crazy life and I just want to live it with you, my life?"

Eliott smiles softly and then shakes his head.

''That's not even the only thing, Lucas, I'm bipolar. I used to go to a support group to help me channel my episodes, but even then, I can't find the time. I'm trying to get better, but I'm never gonna be able to change, Lucas. And you shouldn't have to put up with that. No one should have to put up with this."

''I don't care'' cuts Lucas ''I've been working on this all weekend and frankly, it sounds more manageable than my mother's schizophrenia.''

Eliott jumps up and backs off a little.

"Wait, what?!"

''Yeah, my mother's schizophrenic, that'sthe illness that puts her in the hospital. It's kind of hard right now, but I know she's doing the best she can. And that doesn't stop me from loving her. All I know is that I love you, Eliott. And nothing you say will make me want to let you out of my life. I don't give a shit about the shit you've done. You're the best thing that ever happened to me in my life and I don't want you to walk away from me and tell me it's for my own good when I know I need to be with you to be okay."

Eliott leans in on Lucas so fast to kiss him that they hit their foreheads. They burst out laughing before they kiss softly. Lucas moans in the kiss. He'd wanted to for so long. And Eliott's impatience shows that he has too. Lucas squeezes his arms around Eliott to bring him closer, while Eliott's hands go around Lucas' back. 

They jump when the door opens. It closes before they can see who it is, but it reopens two seconds later, revealing Lisa sighing.

''Okay. I'm exhausted. London sucks. I thought I was in the wrong room when I found you here, but there's a baby in the other room. What the fuck is going on in here? I'm going away for a weekend and there are two guys in my bed and a baby in the room across the hall."

Lucas opens his mouth, but Lisa's waving at him not to say anything.

''I just wanna sleep. I don't give a shit. Get your asses out of my bed."

Lucas stands up, giggles, and pulls Eliott by the wrist. They're heading into Lucas' room. Lucas lies quietly on the bed while Eliott circles the bed and squats down to caress Clara's cheek. 

''We shouldn't be here right now, Lucas. I really love you, but you don't have to put up with all this."

Lucas looks at him with a sigh and then he smiles big.

''You know what, let's play a game. It's called minute by minute."

Eliott raises an eyebrow and then comes over and sits on the bed next to Lucas.

''And how do you play it?''

Lucas sits down and lays his forehead against Eliott's forehead.

''You live each minute without thinking about the next. We just take advantage of the minute that is available to us. And that minute, Clara sleeps, so, is just for the both of us. That minute, I'm gonna kiss you and hold you so hard, I hope you never wanna leave again."

Lucas lays his lips on Eliott's lips as he hugs him. He breaks the kiss to get some fresh air and rests his forehead against Eliott's forehead.

''I love your game, Lucas, but"

Lucas puts his index finger to his lips to shut him up.

"No buts in my game, Eliott."

Lucas lies on his back with his arms open and smiles as Eliott hugs him and then wraps his arm around his waist.

"I'm scared, you know."

Eliott's voice is almost like a whisper. It even sounds quieter than Clara's breath.

"Of what?"

Eliott's closing in on Lucas.

''Of all this. I'm afraid you'll get attached to Clara and she'll get attached to you, and one day you won't love me and you won't dare leave because of her and you'll be unhappy. Or you leave and she's unhappy. Or that she likes you better than me because you're clearly great and she'll soon realize that I'm sometimes totally unavailable. Or..."

''Shhh'' said softly as Lucas stroked his hair ''minute by minute, my love. I can't promise not to get attached to her, because I think it's already too late. I think I was charmed even before I knew she was your daughter, when I saw her at Imane's house. But I promise I won't take your place. I just want to love you and share your life, Eliott. I don't know what place I would have with Clara, but I know I want to have the place by your side."

Lucas kisses his forehead and Eliott stands up so he can kiss him tenderly. 

''Thank you, Lucas. You are unbelievable."

Lucas giggles and kisses Eliott's hair.

''You're pretty amazing yourself, mystery man. So, stripping? Like, really?"

Eliott groans and tightens his grip on Lucas. 

''Yeah, like really but just stripping, no paid sex.''

''I didn't say that.'' Lucas points out.

''I know. But I just want to be clear. There's a lot of misunderstandings in this business, and I don't want you to imagine anything worse than what it was. I used to date Lucille, but I was really bad in my head. So I wasn't taking my meds, I was drinking and smoking way too much. I liked hanging out with guys. One of them took me to this club and I met Dorian. He asked me to dance. At first I refused but the guy I was with dared me to do it and make more money than him. And I made more than 200 euros that night. So I kept going because it was easy money, and when I was there, I was totally out of touch with my problems. But it was a vicious circle. I was pretty popular, so the guys would pay me drinks and the money would be used for drugs and I'd screw around even more. And frankly, when I think back, I don't know whether to laugh or be ashamed."

Lucas hugs him gently and kisses his hair.

''It's so much better than anything I could have ever imagined.''

Eliott looks up so he can look at Lucas and sighs like he doesn't believe it.

''I swear,'' said Lucas softly, smiling, ''I imagined a drug deal or even that you were getting paid for settlements, like the mafia. Or even that Dorian is a pimp. I even thought you might be in a cult...so, stripper, that's pretty good. I hope one day you can show me everything you learned there. Did you have a name?"

Eliott opens surprised eyes.

''Who the hell are you, Lucas? Anybody would run away when they heard about it all, and there you are, so cute and smiling. You even ask questions like it's all normal. You're unbelievable!"

Lucas bends over to give his a gentle kiss.

''Thank you. And I warned you I wouldn't be afraid. So, I guess you had a name. Come on, please. I swear I'd only use it to annoy you."

Eliott looks up to the sky and giggles.

''Yeah. El the hot. but I'm not the one who found it.''

Lucas giggles and kisses Eliott's nose.

''It's so perfect for you."

Eliott kisses him before he rests his head on Lucas' chest and they fall asleep with a big smile on their faces. And if Lucas is holding Eliott as hard as he can against him to stop him from leaving, he doesn't even realize it anymore.


	7. I want to date you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A sweet chapter for today...the next two will be a bit of a roller coaster...so enjoy.

Lucas wakes up with a start. He looks at his alarm clock which indicates 6:28 and wonders what could have woken him up. But he sees nothing. Eliott sleeps close to him and clings to him as if he was afraid he would leave, whereas it is mostly Lucas who is afraid that Eliott wants to leave. Lucas turns slightly to see Clara sleeping in her bed. Everything is just perfect. If someone had told him that he would go through this, he would never have believed it, but now that he's here, Eliott's arm around his waist and Clara's little snores in the background, he wouldn't imagine being anywhere else.

He grabs his phone and sends a message to Imane to tell her that Eliott is better and that they are taking care of Clara this morning. At 6:45, he gets up and goes to the bathroom to get ready. Once dressed, he wakes Clara up, gives her her bottle and dresses her. At 7:30, he gently wakes up Eliott by kissing his cheek. 

Eliott opens his eyes with difficulty and then stands up to take Clara in his arms.

''Hello, my princess. I really missed you. I'm so sorry, sweetie."

He squeezes her close to him and then frowns.

"Where did you get that dress?"

Lucas looks at Clara, then Eliott and pout.

''Don't you like it? This one I picked out."

Eliott gets a big smile when he looks at Lucas.

''It's beautiful, Lucas. I don't know how you can be so perfect!"

Lucas giggles and shakes his head.

''I'm not perfect. You'll figure that out soon enough. In the meantime, don't talk to Mika. He'll make a list of all my flaws and you'll run away."

Eliott laughs, grabs Lucas' sweater and pulls it over and kisses him. 

"You're just perfect, Lucas."

Lucas kisses him gently, then sits down and puts his arm around Eliott.

''Okay. Imane wanted to pick her up and drop her off at daycare, but I can do it. I hope that's okay with you. I think you should stay and rest. Feel free here. You can take whatever you want from the cupboards, watch a movie or go through my room and find something to read. I might also have something to draw in my office if you want. And tonight, I'm picking up Clara, after school at 5:00pm, and the three of us could spend the evening here. What do you think?"

Eliott smiles as he strokes Lucas' cheek.

''You know I'm gonna have to go home someday, right? I just can't move into your room with my daughter.''

Lucas sighs.

''I know. But you can take the time to feel better, right? Imane told me your parents are coming home on Wednesday. So you can stay here in the meantime. The flatshare is totally equipped to have a baby right now. I swear I never thought I'd say this, and neither did Mika, but it's all cool, okay?"

Eliott nods with a smile on his face.

''Your plan is perfect, Lucas. The daycare is right down the street from the high school at 45. Wait, I'm giving you a pass so you can pick up Clara tonight. Don't forget about her raccoon, okay? I forgot the first day, I had to go back at lunch because she wouldn't sleep. If you've never felt like a good-for-nothing, that's all you have to live for. It was just awful."

Lucas disappears into the living room and comes back with the baby carrier, pen and paper. Eliott hands him Clara and picks up the papers. Lucas puts Clara in while Eliott writes him the necessary permission. Eliott hands him the paper and looks at him with a smile.

''You're a pro. It took me two weeks before I could install it without any help."

Lucas shrugs his shoulders.

''I've watched a lot of tutos on youtube. Don't look at my YouTube history, I'm ashamed I watched so many tutos to take care of her. How to change a diaper, what games to play with a 7-month-old baby, should we give him the bottle or the puree first? No, honestly, don't look."

Eliott shakes his head and laughs.

''You were really perfect, Lucas. And don't worry, last week my mom pointed out that I put her pantyhose on backwards. In fact, apparently I've had them on backwards since she was born but I see you've put them on properly!"

Lucas laughs.

''Youtube, again.''

Eliott laughs and stands up to kiss his daughter on the head.

"See you tonight, princess."

Then he gently kisses Lucas. 

"See you tonight, my prince."

Lucas shakes his head and laughs.

"Oh no, this is too weird."

Eliott laughs as he pecks at Lucas' lips.

''I realized that when I said it. Sorry. I don't even know why I said that."

One last kiss and Lucas walks out of the bedroom and out of the apartment. He's never been more uncomfortable than when he drops Clara off at the daycare... ...but the ladies tell him where he should put her stuff. Clara cries and clings to him, which breaks his heart, and Lucas leaves, wiping a tear from the corner of his eye. 

The school day is a real torture. And it starts when he finds Yann, Basile and Arthur. They immediately notice his smile and Lucas just tells them that he's officially dating Eliott, but he doesn't know if Eliott would agree to let him tell them about Clara. And he doesn't want to ask about it in a text message. They'll talk about it tonight. So his friends can see he's hiding something. And when they're surprised that Lucas is eating with them, he just tells them that Eliott's sick and he's in the flateshare, but he can see that Yann is frowning.

''Okay. Actually, he's bipolar. And it's''

"That's nothing," exclaims Basile "my mother is too. Honestly, you learn to live with it. You mustn't let it stop you if you love him."

Lucas smiles at his friend. Basile is so amazing sometimes.

"It doesn't stop me, don't worry."

They finish eating and Lucas feels really lucky to have friends like that. Just before he goes back to school, he discreetly calls Mika.

''Gay, bi, asexual, sentimental refugee and distressed parents, what can I do for you?''

''Everything's all right?''

Mika sighs into the phone.

''What? Not a laugh? I've been fucking prepping her all day."

This time it's Lucas who sighs.

"How is he?"

"Who?" Mika laughs. "Eliott? I don't know. Good."

"And?"

"And that's it. He peed, his urine tests are good. And he ate a piece of toast. And now he's sleeping. Maybe you want me to go to bed next to him and check on him, make sure he's sleeping okay?"

Lucas is clucking on the phone.

''No, thanks, Mika. You don't have to watch him too closely. Thanks for everything, Mika."

''You're welcome, kitten. But don't you worry. By the way, the strawberry-banana pots are delicious. You'll have to buy some more, there aren't any more."

Lucas chuckles as he hangs up. And once again, classes are moving at an alarmingly slow pace.

At 5pm, he grabs his stuff, greets his buddies and runs up the street. Lucas enters the nursery with a smile on his face. And five minutes later, he listens to Clara's account of her day while holding her close to him. He could never have believed he was so attached to a baby in such a short time. 

He picks up his things and put Clara in the baby carrier before going out. The weather is really nice today and the sun blinds him as he walks through the door. He puts his hand in front of his eyes and when he can see properly again, he sees Eliott walking towards him with a big smile.

He immediately moves towards him and hugs him, while Eliott strokes Clara's back through the baby carrier while kissing her on the head.

"Hello, Princess."

Clara grabs Eliott's hand with her finger and laughs.

''Do you want to take her?'' Lucas asks, smiling.

Against all odds, Eliott shakes his head.

''No. I can barely support my own weight. You know, when I come back, I always feel like my strength's gone. Then she looks really good against you and I get that, I've rarely slept as well as I did last night."

Eliott kisses him before slipping his hand into his and starting to walk.

"No one's ever worn her like that before, except me, you're the first."

''Not even your mother?'' Lucas wonders.

''The first'' confirms Eliott ''When she was born, the nurses said she needed contact to try to compensate for her mother's absence. So they set it up for me just in diapers, right on my chest. And that skin-to-skin contact, it was extraordinary. It's like we became one. When I wear her, I feel like I can feel that again. That's why I never take her stroller. And then in Paris, it's more practical, and it makes me feel like I'm protecting her. I've always found it to be an intimate moment and I've always thought I wanted to be the only one doing that. But when I see you like this, when I see how she clings to you, it just makes me love you more, Lucas. It's just amazing."

Lucas stops walking and smiles as he looks at him.

''You know you don't have to face everything alone, don't you, Eliott? I don't want to take your place, I just want to hold your hand and be with you. I wanna be with you two."

Eliott nods and bends over to kiss Lucas without crushing Clara between them.

''So would you like to go on a first date with me Friday night?''

Lucas looks at him amazed.

''Don't you consider that we're already dating?''

Eliott wraps his arm around his shoulders and pulls it towards him to kiss his forehead.

''Yeah, but I'm talking about a real date here. Not baby...dining out, movies...and may more if affinities.''

Lucas looks at Clara and then Eliott.

''What time will you get permission, Cinderella?''

Eliott raises his eyebrows and smiles.

"I'll have all night."

Lucas smiles back at him and nods.

''Okay. So since you've already slept in my bed, I guess I won't look like a horny guy if I offer to sleep over on our first real date?"

"I guess not.''

''So I'm really looking forward to Friday to see that movie with you and see if your nickname still fits, El.''

Eliott chuckles and they walk hand in hand again. They've barely gotten back to the apartment when a knock on the door comes knocking. Lucas opens the door and doesn't miss the wide-eyed eyes of his three friends.

''Oh my God, Lucas? What's that?" Basile asks, pointing to Clara who is now in his arms.

''It's a baby.'' points at Lucas as if they're idiots before they laugh.

"This is Clara," Eliott says, putting his arms around Lucas' waist. "That's my daughter."

The boys' mouths got a little bigger.

"And so, Lucas?" asks Basile.

Lucas shrugs his shoulders.

''So, nothing at all. I love Eliott, I love Clara. Nothing more. Would you like something to drink?"

The three boys nod their heads in a motion before they hug Lucas, taking care not to crush Clara.

"Oh, my God, our Lucas is becoming a daddy."

Lucas' cheeks turn red and he shakes his head pushing his friends away.

''Don't say that, guys.''

Eliott shrugs his shoulders with a smile and hugs him gently to bring his back into line with his chest.

''Don't worry, Lucas, it's okay. They're a little bit right, but no pressure, of course. And my parents want to meet you, but still no pressure. We could do it on Saturday, after our first real date.''

"So you guys" says Arthur, "You decided to do everything in a different way than the other couples.''

Lucas bursts out laughing and kisses Eliott smiling in the kiss. They said _I love you_ before they kissed, they slept together before they were a couple, they're about to go on their first real date when they're already a couple. And there's a baby in the middle of all that. 

And yet Lucas wouldn't change this universe for anything.


	8. I should've listened to you

''So, Bro, how'd it go? You look like a zombie. Are you all right?"

Lucas looks at Yann smiling at him. They started the BAC four days ago and they have three days of tests left. And after that, high school will be officially over for them! There, they've just finished the Biology test and Lucas will have to thank Imane for having studied so much with him.

''It's okay, I think. Especially thanks to Imane. Don't worry, I'm fine. Clara has nightmares and the nights are a bit difficult. But the doctor says it's normal at 2 years, he calls it night terrors. Don't worry, I'm fine, just a little tired and I can't wait for this to be over. Eliott's already on vacation, so after my last exam on Wednesday, the three of us can finally enjoy ourselves and it'll be good for us to get a cool pace."

Lucas stops and looks at his friends looking at him funny.

"What?"

Arthur smiles.

''You're the cutest little family there is, you know.''

Lucas is smiling stupidly, like every time someone says that.

''Yeah, I know. Well, what do we do?"

"Shall we go to Mika's bar?" Basile asks.

''Totally!'' confirms Lucas ''but I have to be home by 6:30pm, Leonie is picking up Eliott for the support group.''

"She's still not single?" Arthur asks, raising an eyebrow.

"Still not." Lucas laughs. "Leave her alone."

The four boys walk into the bar where Mika works and he greets them with a big smile.

''Smile, guys, you're on a weekend! Tonight is Friday night!"

"Whoo-hoo," exclaimed Lucas with his legendary irony, "a weekend of studying is waiting for us! Because on Monday we're taking the exams again! So cool..."

Mika bursts out laughing and takes Lucas in his arms. 

''Oh, kitten, you're so cranky. I don't know how Clara smiles so much with the example you're setting for her."

Lucas chuckles as he hugs Mika.

"Nice to see you too, Mika."

"Lucas" Arthur call him, already seated at a table with Basile and Yann. "What did you answer to question 47? We don't agree."

Lucas looks up to the sky.

''Look in my bag, I don't want to think about it anymore. Anyway, now the biologie exam is over, it's too late. Stop messing with your heads, guys.''

Arthur and Basile shake their heads and Yann grabs Lucas' bag.

''I thought Clara couldn't sleep without her raccoon'' said suddenly Yann.

Lucas turns around astonished and looks at Yann with Clara's raccoon in his hands.

"Where the fuck did you get that?"

"In your bag, in the back pocket, why?"

''Shit. Eliott must be looking for him everywhere. She must have put it in there at lunch and I didn't see it. Shit."

Lucas grabs his phone and calls Eliott, but he doesn't answer. It's five o'clock and it's clear that if Clara hasn't had her nap, she must be totally exhausted and unbearable.

''Go, Lulu, don't worry about us.'' says Basile.

Lucas thanks them, grabs the raccoon, his bag, puts on his coat and walks as fast as he can to their home. Luckily their apartment is only a 10-minute walk away.

As soon as he gets to the stairwell of the building, he hears screams. But it's not crying. It's Eliott who's getting angry. Lucas feels his heart racing and climbs the stairs two by two. Eliott never yells at Clara. Actually, Eliott only gets mad during his episodes. And now they're a lot further apart thanks to his treatment. And Eliott was fine at lunch when Lucas came home to eat. The closer Lucas gets, the more he hears that Eliott is furious even if he doesn't scream. He opens the door and the whole cacaphony of the apartment jumps out at him.

Indeed, Eliott speaks in an angry voice, but there is also Clara's crying and a female voice adds to the din, asking Eliott to calm down. 

Lucas comes into the living room so quickly that he almost slips on the floor. Clara weeps in Eliott's arms while he try to rock her. Her little face is all red, her eyes are shiny and her long hair is a complete mess, but she stops as soon as she sees her cuddly toy that Lucas shows her.

''Daddy. Accoon"

She pushes Eliott and runs towards Lucas to jump into his arms. Lucas lifts it up and holds it against him. She squeezes her raccoon with a sigh and starts to suck on his ear. 

Lucas looks up to see the woman standing in front of him.

"You're Lucas, I guess."

Lucas frowns and questions Eliott with his eyes. Eliott seems as upset as he is defeated.

''She's a social worker, Lucas. She wants to take Clara away from us."

Lucas sees the tears that threaten to run from Eliott's eyes. His heart immediately tightens and he tightens his grip around the little one who is beginning to fall asleep.

''I didn't say that,'' corrects the woman. ''I've been mandated by the PMI (child protection service in French) to conduct a simple survey to verify that this child is growing up in a healthy environment suitable for her.''

Lucas takes a breath and tries to think as fast as he can. Might as well show that they're responsible adults. He's moving towards her, reaching out his hand.

''Lucas Lallemant, nice to meet you. I don't know what's going on today, but I swear it's never like this usually."

The woman opened her eyes, quickly shook his hand and put her back on the living room table to turn several papers in her file, repeating Lucas' surname.

''Ah. There. Do you know a Martin Lallemant?"

Lucas looks horrified. 

''It's my dad. Don't tell me he's the reason you're here."

The woman looks at him with regret while Lucas turns to Eliott while hugging Clara who is falling asleep against him.

''I'm really sorry, I never thought he'd be able to do this. Oh, my God, this is all my fault. I should never have come into your life. I'm really sorry I've been so selfish. I should've listened to you. If she takes her because of me I could never"

Lucas begins to cry while rocking Clara and Eliott's arms come to wrap around his shoulders.

''You couldn't have known, Lucas. It's not your fault your father hates us. He just wants to hurt you. We're not going to let this happen."

The woman walks towards them and puts a hand on each of their shoulders.

''Okay. First of all, let's all calm down. Now that the little one's asleep, maybe you could put her in her bed and the three of us could talk. Ok?''

Lucas looks at her suspiciously but nods.

''I promise you I won't hurt you. My job is to make sure she lives in the best possible conditions. And if I have to reassure you on that point, the fact that you're a gay couple doesn't change the assessment.''

Eliott kisses Clara's head, and Clara now sleeps with closed fists and nods.

''Do you want to see his room? I'm sorry about before, I shouldn't have gotten upset. But I couldn't find his cuddly toy. I'd been looking for him everywhere for hours and she couldn't sleep. That never happens. And you came along and... I can't bear the thought of losing her."

The woman puts her hand on Eliott's shoulder and shakes her head.

''I'm just here to make a report. I'd like to see his room and then we'll talk."

Eliott goes first down the hall and opens the door so Lucas can put Clara in her bed. Clara's room was entirely painted and decorated by Eliott. The walls are beige, there are drawn animals, and they all hold a balloon of a different colour in their hands. So there are dozens of multicoloured balloons everywhere and it's really very pretty. Next to Clara's princess bed is a big picture of Lucille that Eliott shows to the social worker.

''It was her mother. I think it's important that she knew what she looked like. And who she was. We have a big photo album with all the pictures I had of her."

The social worker nods with a smile and then goes back to sit in the living room. She sits in one of the armchairs and the two boys sit on the couch. Lucas took a closer look at her. She smiles nice and doesn't look mean.

''Would you like a coffee?'' asks Lucas ''I'll make three coffees, or tea if you prefer and we'll answer all your questions.''

The social worker starts laughing and nodding.

''A coffee, with pleasure, but I'm not a policewoman and this is not an interrogation. Relax you, please.''

Lucas nods with a smile and gets up, gently caressing Eliott's shoulder to relax him.

"I'll be right back.''

Indeed, a few minutes later, Lucas comes back with three coffees, sugar, milk, cinnamon and chocolates. Eliott seems completely frozen so Lucas prefers his coffee the way he likes it: with two sugars, a dash of milk and a pinch of cinnamon and then puts the cup in his hands.

''Thank you, Lucas. I'll tell you how it's going to work. We're going to talk. Simply. My job is to get a sense of how you raised Clara. If I need a full investigation, I'll meet with the people guarding Clara, and maybe your parents. His doctor. Maybe your neighbors. But we're not there yet. Not at all. But when a report is issued, we have to come and check that everything is OK.''

Eliott nods his head and that's probably the first move he makes since they're all three in the living room.

''Okay. Tell me all about Clara. Tell me how her day goes. Who's taking care of her? You're both students, aren't you?"

Eliott takes Lucas' hand in his and takes a little breath.

''Clara never knew her mother. She was in a car accident and Clara was born two days before she died. Her parents didn't want the baby and wanted to give her up for adoption but I refused. I've been taking care of her alone since she was born. My parents were very present, but I wanted to do it alone. She goes to the daycare and she loves to go there. At the moment, Lucas usually takes her in the morning before school because the daycare is on the street of his high school. And in the evening, the one who finishes early is usually the one who picks her up. Currently Lucas has his finals, and next year he will go to psychology school but Clara will continue to go to the same daycare center to keep her bearings. This is. She goes to the doctor regularly, her vaccinations are up to date and she is growing well. She talks a lot but we don't understand much, she's very curious and she's a real stuntwoman and she has no notion of caution. She's a happy two-year-old girl, I swear. And she's definitely getting all the love and food and care she needs. I don't know what else to say."

Lucas squeezes Eliott's hand a little harder as he looks at him.

"Who's Lucas to her?"

Eliott smiles as he looks at Lucas. They hesitated for a few months and then Clara decided for them.

''His daddy.'' Eliott says, smiling. ''Actually, to be really honest, we didn't really know how to handle it. How we met, our relationship and Clara. Clara was 7 months old when we met. She adopted Lucas right away and it was totally reciprocal."

''Actually,'' continues Lucas, ''I never thought I'd be like a father to her. She's already got Eliott and he's totally there. But when she reached out to me and called me "Daddy" the first time, I..."

''He started crying,'' continues Eliott, smiling at the memory. ''And contrary to what you might think after seeing us tonight, I swear he hardly ever cries.''

The social worker smiles and nods.

''So that's it. '' concludes Eliott ''We're trying to do the best for Clara. I swear, I wasn't planning on bringing anyone else into our lives, but Lucas fell all over me. You'll probably think it's just teenage love, but I swear it's more like this. We got engaged in January and are getting married this summer, before Lucas starts college. And then Lucas can legally adopt Clara and we'll be recognized as both her parents. It's a well-considered decision. If anything happens to me, I want Lucas to make the big decisions about her. If something happens to Clara and I'm not available, I want Lucas to be officially there for her."

The social worker fills out her file and then looks around.

''I see a lot of pictures on the walls. Are they your parents?"

Eliott gets up and picks up a picture and hands it to her.

''There we went on holiday in Brittany all 6 of us with my parents and Lucas' mom. My parents, they're still very close to Clara. They totally agree with our decision. They immediately liked Lucas even though they were totally sceptical. My father shares his passion for music with him and my mother for cooking. To Lucas' mom, Clara is already her little girl, she's a total admirer of her. She keeps saying that Clara reminds her of Lucas when he was little and showing us pictures where they have exactly the same expressions, it's really very funny."

Eliott releases a few photo albums where he shows a few portions of happiness shared since the three of them: outings to the zoo, to the aquarium, to the park, Clara with Mika to the flat, with the guys at the skate park, laughing in Yann's arms after vomiting on him, in front of the school, during their move, on holidays... Clara crying, laughing, sleeping, eating, standing, walking, falling...

The social worker smiles as she closes the album and looks at Lucas with a sorry look on her face.

''What about your father, Lucas?''.

Lucas sighs and raises his eyes to the sky while Eliott caresses his back.

''He reported us as abusive parents, you can imagine. In fact, my father vanished when I was 16, leaving me alone while my mother was sick. I had to commit my mother in hospital because it was too complicated for me to deal with it on my own and I went to live with a flatshare. But I reassure you, my mother is much better now. Anyway, my dad's been totally absent from my life since I told him I was gay. He cut me off and hasn't spoken to me once since. Except once three weeks ago. He'll never be a part of Clara's life."

The social worker nods her head.

''Then how did he know about Clara?''

''He came here because he found out we were getting married and he didn't agree to it. Apparently, he's not talking to me anymore, but he's tracking my instagram, which I think is really mature. And of course when he came, Clara was there. Which is normal since this is her home. I explained the situation to him and he went crazy. So I asked him to leave, and he said it wasn't normal. I'll spare you the insults and threats. I guess he figured the best way to settle this was to call you."

Lucas turns to Eliott.

''I'm really sorry, Eliott. I never thought he could do something like that."

Eliott approaches Lucas to hold him.

''So if I sum up'' does she end up saying ''you were 17 and you accepted the responsibility of raising a child with your boyfriend, just because you're in love with him?''.

''And because they make me happy, yes.'' confirms Lucas ''and I have no regrets.''

She's got a big smile on her face. 

''If we had more people like you in our lives, it would be so much easier. You're both really cute. I understand why we got this report and frankly it pisses me off that some people waste our time just because they don't accept their children's life choices."

A small cry is heard at the end of the corridor and the boys exchange a look they know well: _who is she going to call?_

"Dad. Dad."

Eliott smiles and gets up. He comes back two minutes later with Clara laughing in his arms. Eliott sits down next to Lucas and Clara moves to come and sit on his lap. She gets off almost immediately, crosses the salon and comes back to Lucas with her hairbrush. He sits her down on his lap and makes two braids.

''We're both doing the best we can. We're not perfect, but we do the best we can."

''Like all parents, Lucas'' she said, putting down her file ''don't worry, I'll give you a perfect report because there is absolutely no danger for Clara. Of course, no one expects two young boys to raise a little girl and unfortunately you will meet other people who will try to make trouble for you, but know that you have nothing to fear from your father's report. You really are a very nice family, every three. What do you think, Clara?"

Clara smiles as she touches her braids. She comes out in an uninterrupted stream of words with a really serious look on her face, then bursts out laughing before huddling up to Eliott. 

''Yeah, I didn't get that.'' Laughs the social worker.

Lucas closes the door behind the social worker with a sigh. He turns around and Eliott's arms are already wide open to welcome him.

''I'm so sorry, Eliott. If she hadn't been so understanding. If they'd taken Clara because of me...If.''

''Shhh,'' Eliott said softly, putting his index finger to his lips. ''You can't live with what would've happened with If. Minute by minute, baby. And this minute we're all three of us and we're fine. Our family is fine."

Lucas kisses him gently but Eliott breaks the kiss and puts his forehead on Lucas'.

''OK now two things. First of all, how'd you do on your bio exam? And secondly, How did raccoon end up with you?"

Lucas steps back and turns his head to his school bag and shows it to Eliott. Clara is totally focused on her task of putting her raccoon in Lucas' bag and pushing it as far down as possible.

''When she's focused like that, she looks so much like you. Sounds like Mr. Lucas is thinking things over. But why does she want to put it in your bag so badly?"

Lucas shrugs his shoulders and laughs.

''I think Clara was trying to bring me luck. And it worked because, frankly, I think I'm gonna get a great grade in biologie."

Eliott smiles with a roll of his eyes.

''This wouldn't have anything to do with the numerous study sessions with Imane, would it?''

Lucas bursts out laughing and shakes his head.

''No, that's just the power of the super raccoon!''

''Okay'' concludes Eliott ''Nobody ever goes through the door of this house again without checking to see if he's taking the raccoon with him, okay? I swear tomorrow I'm taking her out to buy another cuddly toy in case raccoon is lost. I think she's old enough to choice it out herself."

Lucas bursts out laughing and shaking his head.

''It ain't gonna work, love. She never wanted another cuddly toy. Remember, you bought the clone of this one and she never wanted to take it. She even threw it out of the car window."

Eliott smiles and kisses Lucas.

''That's exactly why she's going to choose her herself. We can try. I swear she was possessed earlier... so it's decided, tomorrow while you're studying, we'll go find a friend to raccoon."

And the next day, Lucas can't even say he's surprised when he sees Clara coming home, all happy, a hedgehog in her arms. Ever since she was a little girl, she has seen drawings of raccoons and hedgehogs in love, it was a rather logical and obvious choice.

Nor is he surprised when he realizes that Eliott's idea was by no means the miracle solution they had been waiting for. Now, instead of taking raccoon everywhere with her, Clara takes her hedgehog, too. So that's two cuddly toys not to be lost now...

But frankly, when he think about it, Lucas wouldn't trade his hide-and-seek parts with a hedgehog and a raccoon for anything in the world. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so...this big chapter was supposed to be the last one...and then I don't know, I had a flash with what you'll discover in the next chapter...so one more roller coaster ride to come...because that's the life : an accumulation of ups and downs....


	9. One minute with you

''Fuck, you're not even my father!''

He knew this would happen. He knew he'd get hurt, but he didn't think it would hurt that much. It's worse than if he'd been stabbed in the chest. He blinks and looks at Clara, who's never been so angry before. Eliott's right when he says she looks just like Lucas when she gets angry like that. He really feels like he's seeing each other again at 16 while Clara is just 14. And that's not a fucking good thing at all.

''You're not my father! You only raised me because you had to! So don't pretend"

''Pretend what?'' Lucas starts screaming ''pretend I care about you? Pretend I love you more than anything in the world? Pretend you're my daughter? Because that's what you are, Clara. And even if it pisses you off, you're my daughter, okay? You can yell the opposite as much as you want, it won't make any difference to me: you're my fucking daughter! So you're gonna calm down, I'm gonna calm down and we're both gonna go."

But why did it have to happen now, while his mom and Eliott's mom went to a spa? That's the only downside to them getting along so well and leaving together. Clara bursts into tears and curls up on the couch.

''I don't want to go with you. I want my mother."

Lucas knew this would happen. Not necessarily now, but they've already talked about it many times with Eliott, they knew it would happen.

''I'm sorry, sweetie. I know you'd rather go with your mother, my princess. And I swear I'd rather she was there for you, too."

Clara gives him a black look as she wipes her eyes.

"Liar."

Lucas sighs and moves closer to her to put his arm around her shoulders and wipe her tears.

''I swear to you, baby, and dad feels the same way."

Clara shakes her head and sniffs.

''If she had, if she hadn't died, you wouldn't have met and gotten together. I know you're lying and you're glad she died just to have dad all to yourself."

Lucas grabs his daughter's chin and forces her to look at him.

''I swear it's not true, Clara, I really wish your mom was here for you. This has nothing to do with your father and me, sweetie. I swear I wish you could have known your mother. I know you need her today and I'm sorry you have to settle for me. I would never replace your mother, but I love you and I'm here for you, my princess. So we're gonna calm down, we're gonna breathe, we're gonna take it easy and we're both gonna face this."

Clara bursts into tears and huddles in Lucas' arms.

''I'm so sorry I said that, Daddy. I didn't think so. I swear I love you."

Lucas hugs her and gently strokes her hair.

''I know, princess, I know. And I swear you were never an obligation to me. You're my daughter, that's all. I loved you before I even knew you were Eliott's daughter, and you know it."

And that's when Lucas had his enlightenment. He should have thought of that before.

"Do you want me to call auntie Imane?"

Clara thinks and then shakes her head.

''No, Daddy. We'll both go. I know it's hard for you to do this too, and I thank you for doing it with me."

Lucas kisses Clara's forehead and gets up to take his coat.

''Let's go, and then we'll go for ice cream, shall we?''

Clara nods with a smile and grabs her jacket before hugging Lucas.

"Thank you, Daddy."

Lucas smiles while caressing her back. Clara is no longer just a cuddly koala bear, she is also a lioness who can roar. 

They walk into the pharmacy side by side and Lucas sees that Clara gets all embarrassed. He's so uncomfortable, too, that it almost reminds him of the first time he dropped Clara off at the nursery. He was so clumsy and uncomfortable... just like he is now, actually.

"Can I help you, Lucas?"

Lucas turns around and smiles at Adeline, showing the boxes he has in his hands. Luckily their pharmacist knows them well and he won't have to explain their family situation.

''Oh, yes, with pleasure. It's all new to us, and I don't know anything about it, as you can imagine and for once, youtube won't help me. I guess. I didn't look."

Adeline nods her head with a smile, puts the boxes down and waves to Clara to follow her behind the counter. Lucas waits for about ten minutes and then Clara comes back with a small bag and a big smile on her lips. He goes to the counter to pay by thanking Adeline.

''Don't worry, Lucas, it's normal. It's never easy the first time, but it's good you came along. Young girls need to feel surrounded. She's gonna feel a little lost, but she'll be fine. Besides, it's not like there are any taboos in your family. Don't worry, it's gonna be fine. Welcome to the Teen Parents' Club!"

Lucas grimace. This has all gone by way too fast. 

"Do you hear that, sweetie?" he asks, smiling as he joins Clara.

"What?"

"My stomach needs ice cream!"

Clara rolls her eyes before she giggles and takes Lucas' hand in hers. It's really weird, this transition from little girl to teenager, and Lucas is gonna have a really hard time getting used to it. Sometimes you can't get too close to her, and sometimes she takes his hand like this, like when she was little.

Lucas smiles when he looks at her. Sometimes he feels that she hasn't changed and that it's always the baby pulling his hair to put it in her mouth and sometimes he feels that she has grown so much that she won't need him anymore. He sees the mother of the family looking at them with a frown as she opens her mouth.

''I'm sure she's underage. It's disgusting to see that."

Clara stops immediately and turns to her.

"That's my dad, bitch!"

The woman looks at them in horror.

''How vulgar. And you say nothing?''

Lucas nods his head and looks at Clara smiling.

''I'm so proud of you, sweetie. People who judge without knowing are such a blight on society."

Of course, at 30, having a 14-year-old daughter is unusual. Even his colleagues thought he was joking at first. And Lucas assumes that the older Clara gets, the more he'll meet those kind of looks especially since he doesn't look his age, but he doesn't care. It'll change of those homophobic remarks. And he is happy to see that Clara has all the weapons she needs to defend herself without any problems. 

They go to their favorite shop: the yogurt factory that opened near their home 4 years ago. They're totally regulars over there. 

''I miss Dad. I wish he was here."

Lucas nods his head with a smile.

''He'd have embarrassed you and made you feel bad, you're right, it's such a shame.''

Clara thinks and then nods and giggles.

''You're so right but do you think he's gonna blame himself for missing this?"

Lucas shrugs his shoulders.

''You know he's still mad at himself. Especially when he's away for several days."

Clara puts her head down towards her pot.

"Can we go home, Daddy?"

Lucas nods and they finish walking and talk. As soon as they get home, Clara thanks him, puts her bag in her room and then crosses the corridor to go to the parents' room. 

Lucas moves into the living room and takes out his favorite photo album. The first one. The one with all the pictures from that first weekend with Clara. He turns the pages then takes the other albums and the years go by as if by magic. This has all gone by far too quickly. 

"Nostalgic?"

Lucas raises his head with a smile and looks at Eliott, his hair totally undone and his eyes still tired, trying to smile at him. Lucas puts the album down and opens his arms for Eliott to come and snuggle in.

"How long was I gone?"

Lucas kisses Eliott's forehead and gently squeezes it against him.

''Six days. It's Saturday. But I dragged you into the shower yesterday and you let it happen so it could be worse. At least you smell good."

Eliott sighs and Lucas strokes his cheek.

''Hey, don't worry, the book came out great, it's already ahead of schedule. And for the witch, the meeting you had on Friday to show the first sketches, I moved it to Wednesday. It's all right, my love."

''Wait. How about you? Didn't you have a seminar on gender dysphoria?"

Lucas is smiling.

''No, that's next month. There it was about accompanying the family when the illness affects one of them. Marc left in my place. I'll go to the next one. Don't worry, it's a recurring theme. Plus I hear it's raining and they can't enjoy the pool, so I'm glad I stayed here. Psychology conventions without a pool is no fun at all. That's the only reason I'm going, by the way."

Eliott gently kisses Lucas smiling. He knows that's not true, Lucas just loves his job, that's all. Eliott steps back, giving the impression that he remembers something important.

''And why is Clara asleep in our bed? She was hugging me, and I thought it was you."

Lucas sighs.

"She got her period at lunch."

Eliott looks horrified and Lucas is forced to laugh.

''It's all right, don't worry, It's all right. Adeline explained everything to him apparently. It's okay, it's just a new phase."

Eliott seems to have doubts and even seems rather worried.

"And how is she?"

Lucas shrugs his shoulders.

''He misses her mother. But we knew this would happen. She got angry and she told me I wasn't her real father, and''

Eliott gets up and Lucas grabs his arm and pulls it towards him to force him to sit back down on the couch.

"It's fine, Eliott."

''No, Lucas. She can't say that. You put your life on hold for us. You totally sacrificed yourself for us. And you're still doing it."

Lucas shakes his head and then puts his forehead against Eliott's.

''I never felt like I was sacrificing myself for you two, Eliott. You are my life. That's all. She was angry and sad and I understand her. But we talked and everything's fine. Do you remember what your father asked me when we first met?"

Eliott nods his head. How to forget? Lucas had Clara asleep in his arms and was stroking her head tenderly when Thomas came to sit in front of him, asking the question that Eliott was so afraid of.

''Lucas, do you really think you're capable, at 17, of raising a baby that's not yours? And how will you react when she tells you you're not her father?"

Eliott chuckles. It's clear who remembers this great moment. Lucas is certain Eliott wasn't breathing the whole time his father was talking.

''Do you remember what I said to him?'' asks Lucas with a smile.

Eliott chuckles again.

''Totally! Something like, _do you really give that much importance to blood relations? My father abandoned me when we share the same blood. Family isn't about blood, it's about who holds your hand on the day you need it most. So, yeah, I'd never be his biological father. I don't even know if she'll call me dad or Lucas or whatever, but I know I want to be next to Eliott and I love them both very much. So the day she tells me, I'll tell her she's right, but I love her."_

Lucas smiles and kisses Eliott's forehead.

''Almost word for word, bravo my love. You have a good memory but I don't sound like that! Why are you imitating me with an accent? I've never had an accent!"

''You were so amazing! When my dad hugged you after that, I knew he'd love you more than me."

Lucas shakes his head.

''He doesn't love me any more than he likes you, that's different. We just share a common passion and that's nice. But he loves you very much, Eliott. He collects all the books you illustrate, he's so proud of you."

Eliott puts his hand on Lucas' hand to relax.

''Hey, I know, don't worry. And I'm fine that you two are close, I'm not jealous. My father has the smart and musical son he was looking for and you have a proud father who loves you. We're all winners in this family. Well, what about Clara, what do we do then?"

Lucas shrugs his shoulders. 

''She's turning into a teenager and we're gonna have to deal with it. So we're gonna take it one minute at a time, okay? And this minute she's asleep, it's just the two of us and I'm gonna hug you because I missed you this week."

Eliott holds Lucas close to him, putting his head on his shoulder.

''I missed you, too, baby. Sorry you had to go through this alone."

Lucas backs off, chuckles.

"Don't worry, I'll leave the safe sex talk to you."

Eliott moans as he rests his head against Lucas.

''I'd pay Imane or Daphne or Leonie or even Adeline for that.''

Lucas laughed out loud before he kissed Eliott. Eliott grabs the photo album that Lucas was looking at and puts it in their lap. 

They are always looking at pictures when Clara runs through the living room and takes refuge in Lucas' arms.

''I'm so sorry, Daddy. I've been really horrible to you. I don't know what came over me. I love you so much."

Lucas holds Clara close to him and kisses her forehead.

''I love you too. And I'll love you no matter what you say. No Demaury's going to push me hard enough to get me out of his life. Your father tried before you did and, you see, I'm still here. I'll always be there for you both, my loves."

The doorbell rang and they all three jumped. Clara rushes to the door and comes back with her arms full of the pizzas Lucas ordered earlier. And the three of them are settling in for Saturday night's movie night. Lucas looks at Eliott and then Clara and smiles. We'll have to take advantage of it because soon it's clear that Clara won't be spending Saturday night in front of the TV with them anymore.

''Are we watching _The lucky one_ tonight?'' she asks as she opens her favorite DVD.

Eliott sighs because he's tired of watching this movie over and over again, but he nods. Clara gets her passion for movies from him and he knows he can't say anything about it.

So for now, they'll just enjoy their good times with their families and for the rest, they'll manage, minute by minute... 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to all of you who have followed this adventure so intensely.

**Author's Note:**

> ✍️ Tell me what you think 🙂 🙃


End file.
